THIS YEAR'S MOVIES, PART FOUR

Since the previous entries in this series,(Parts One, Two, and Three of this article can be accessed on the website) we have learned of the following composer assignments:

BULLETPROOF MONK - Eric Serra
DICKIE ROBERTS: FORMER CHILD STAR - Christophe Beck
THE GREAT RAID - Trevor Rabin
HEAD OF STATE - Marcus Miller
IF YOU WERE MY GIRL - Richard Gibbs
MALIBU'S MOST WANTED - John Debney
MONA LISA SMILE - Rachel Portman

Also, Daniel Schweiger informs us that the composer of THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN will be Trevor Jones, not Mark Isham. This is encouraging news. Though I'm not a big Jones fan, he's eminently more suitable for such a larger-than-life period adventure than Isham, who's never quite shaken his Wyndham Hill background.

And an unnamed source claims that Australian composer Christopher Gordon (Moby Dick, On the Beach) will be involved with the score to Peter Weir's nautical adventure MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD, but this has yet to be confirmed.

Home Alone star Macaulay Culkin returns to the big screen in a slightly change-of-pace role as the murderous gay club kid Michael Alig (please, no Homo Alone jokes), with the great Seth Green as his chronicler, James St. James.

In the vein of Sweet Smell of Success, Pacino plays a press agent involved in a scandal. The writer is an acclaimed playwright; the director made the unfortunate Naked in New York.

Students try to steal the SAT test. From the director of Good Burger, Varsity Blues, Hardball, and Ready to Rumble. You may consider that a warning.

A live-action remake of the J.M. Barrie classic, but with a twist: for once, the title character is actually played by a young boy -- Jeremy Sumpter, who played the younger brother in Frailty. The director, P.J. Hogan, followed up his smash hit My Best Friend's Wedding with a film called Unconditional Love, which is still awaiting release.

The first collaboration of those two masters of cinema, Larry Cohen and Joel Schumacher. What's more frightening: being trapped in a phone booth by a sniper who wants to destroy your life, or trapped in a movie theater watching a Cohen/Schumacher movie? The release of this film has been delayed twice already: the first time presumably in the hopes that Minority Report would finally make Colin Farrell a household name, and the second time after the D.C. sniper killings. The Gregson-Williams score CD came out last year.

Aargh, aargh, at least it'll be better than The Country Bears. And the Internet is sure to be abuzz, if only because Orlando Bloom is in it.

From the director of the original Insomnia, this adaptation of the notorious Elizabeth Wurtzel memoir has been on the shelf for years. If nothing else, the casting of Anne Heche as a shrink should provide some chuckles.

From the writer of Finding Forrester and the director of Summer Catch, this is based on the true-life friendship between a small-town high school football coach and a mentally challenged man. To quote the great Libby Gelman-Waxner, I suspect I'll be needing my popcorn bucket for more than just popcorn, if you get my drift.

The ten-thousandth spy recruitment thriller to be released in the last year, it benefits from a lively first half though the second half is less engaging, not helped by a trailer that gives away pretty much the entire story. I sure hope Touchstone never tries to market an Agatha Christie mystery -- "and Dame Judi Dench as the murderer."

A few years ago, this John Grisham bestseller was going to be a Joel Schumacher film with Sean Connery. I fail to understand how the director of Impostor and Don't Say a Word gets to work with actors of this caliber (and I don't mean Rachel Weisz).

Jack Black as a disgraced rocker teaching high school. With this star, writer, and director, it could be hilarious.

The story of the famous horse and the Spider-Man who rode him.

Osment tries to steal back the Oscar that Caine stole from him in 2000. Okay, that's not really the plot. Caine is one of my favorite actors, but I dread the prospect of him doing a Southern accent. McCanlies wrote and directed the feeble Dancer, Texas Pop. 81, but also wrote the wonderful Iron Giant, so who knows what to expect?

Very rarely, they make a sequel to a film that wasn't a huge hit but still deserved a sequel. Sadly, there's still no Sneakers 2, but at least we get this reteaming of the funniest man in films and the most amazing physical artist in world cinema, which is by far the most entertaining film so far this year. The film is very well made, with cinematography by Adrian Biddle (Aliens) and production design by Allan Cameron (Highlander), and the fight scenes are wonderful. The score is one of Edelman's better efforts, though it's frustrating that the job didn't go to a master of pastiche like John Morris.

More ugliness from the creator of In the Company of Men and Your Friends and Neighbors, about a college student and his extremely dominating girlfriend. Based on LaBute's play, and featuring the stage cast.

Biopic of the disgraced journalist Stephen Glass, whose articles were discovered to be more fictional than much contemporary fiction. Christensen plays Glass, in what can only be a better acting showcase than Attack of the Clones.

Potter adapted his famous British mini-series before his death, and always intriguing director Keith Gordon takes the bait. Now, I love Robert Downey Jr. as much as the next man, but I'd hardly call him the American Michael Gambon (if nothing else, it's hard to imagine Downey taking over the role of Dumbledore).

From the makers of La Promesse and Rosetta, the story of a middle-aged carpentry teacher and his extremely complex relationship with a teenage student. A masterpiece, I doubt a greater film will be released this year. On the other hand, it has no scoring whatsoever, so perhaps a website on film music is a strange place to recommend it.

The FBI chases a serial killer whose victims are all serial killers. I guess we haven't seen that one yet.

Based on the play about the American government's investigation of conductor Wilhelm Furtwangler's possible collaboration with the Nazis. Sets by the great production designer Ken Adam, though I doubt he gives Furtwangler a cool Blofeld-style lair.

Sort of like Three Kings goes to Nigeria, but without the gold. This one was originally called Man of War, which sounded like ten thousand other movies. Then it was called Hostile Act, which sounds like a Lifetime movie about sexual harassment. Then it was Hostile Rescue, which would make an awesome Jerry Goldsmith cue but is a lousy title for a movie. Now it's Tears of the Sun, which is actually a leftover title for a never made John Woo movie.

Literary biopic, with Paltrow as Sylvia Plath and Craig (the remarkably uncharismatic love interest from Tomb Raider) as Ted Hughes. For those who felt The Hours was one suicide short.

Just as the second film in the series upgraded the killer robot to a machine made of "liquid metal," this entry upgrades the young John Connor from Edward Furlong to Nick Stahl. Claire Danes is also along the ride, so there'll definitely be something to enjoy besides special effects.

Nisepel, a commercials director infamous for his elaborate contractual demands (and who was originally set to direct End of Days) makes his feature debut with this less than necessary remake of the Tobe Hooper classic. Ten years ago, co-star Bryniarski (Hudson Hawk, Batman Returns) was touted as a rising star in the Schwarzenegger vein -- now he's playing Leatherface.

College students time travel back to medieval France, where rumor has it the ladies wear no pants. One of Michael Crichton's most disappointing novels, it read as if it should have been a screenplay instead, so let's hope this story has found its natural medium after all. Oh yeah, and a new Goldsmith score. Cool.

Drug drama from the director of Amores Perros. Not one for the My Big Fat Greek Wedding crowd.

Sort of a British equivalent to Dawn of the Dead, from the director of Trainspotting and Shallow Grave.

Vin Diesel is out, presumably in search of a bigger paycheck, so Baby Boy's Tyrese Gibson is in. I presume that Ludacris and Fabolous are rappers, but with those names they could easily be drag queens. Please don't tell them I said that.

This comedy drama about the relationship between a divorced woman and a dead rock star's lover has been on the shelf a remarkably long time, especially since the director's previous film was My Best Friend's Wedding. Is this the year it finally claws its way out of the grave?

Diane Lane finds romance in Italy, from the writer-director of Guinevere.

Beckinsale is a vampire warrior battling werewolves. No, I didn't make that up.

What did we do to deserve two Joel Schumacher films this year? Sure, he made a few decent films like Cousins and Falling Down, but most of his oeuvre - Bad Company, Flawless, Batman and Robin, A Time to Kill, The Lost Boys, The Incredible Shrinking Woman - is too toxic to bury in a landfill. This one tells the true story of an Irish female journalist who ran afoul of drug dealers. A fictionalized version was made just a few years ago -- When The Sky Falls, with the great Joan Allen in the lead -- and went straight to video.

Comedy with Paltrow training to become a flight attendant. She's a terrific actress and Mike Myers may very well be a comic genius, so there's a possibility of laughs here.

The director of Dick and The Craft remakes The In-Laws. No, I don't know why either. It amuses me that Schifrin is doing the score, since he could easily have been hired for the original (which was actually scored by John Morris) -- only two years later, he scored Buddy Buddy.

The Reluctant Debutante, remade to cash in on the surprise success of The Princess Diaries. Good luck.

High school set prequel to Dumb and Dumber, with actors slightly less expensive than Jim Carrey in the leads. The director followed up his work on the hilarious Mr. Show with the ghastly Jack Frost, so this one's a crap shoot.

We don't get a sequel to Unbreakable, but we do get a sequel to The Whole Nine Yards. I demand an explanation.

The sleeper horror hit of 1971 (with an Alex North score, no less) gets an update, with hordes of CGI rats. Glover, Harring, Ermey and Burroughs play roles originated by Bruce Davison, Sondra Locke, Ernest Borgnine and Elsa Lanchester. The writer-director made Final Destination and The One, so this is likely to be entertaining but not much good.

Biopic of porn star John Holmes. Kilmer would seem to be perfect casting for the role, as many people who have worked with him claim he is an enormous penis.

Young people run afoul of inbred cannibals. For those who found Jeepers Creepers too intellectually challenging.

The whole X-Men gang is back, plus Floop, the original Hannibal Lecter, and Tadpole.

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