Nineteen Hundred Eighty-Six was a transitional year for The Phelpsian, as he had just finished his first year of high school and despite having put away childish things some years before...
...we still mourned the end of that joyful era.
BUT THEN.
A Man Named Marion Stepped Forth…to remind us of what stirred our spirits in the first place (egregious product placement notwithstanding).
What an action-packed extravaganza...Yet Cobra was a strange, not-quite-The Terminator ripoff in tyme, the film that shoulda launched a thousand sequels. But alas, ‘twas not to be...and ya didn't have to be a soothsayer to know it to be true.
This Ain’t Yer Bruddah’s Terminator, Pally!
Brian Thompson’s portrayal of the Night Slasher stands alongside the greatest, most menacingest villains of all cinematic time.
Let’s also not forget the Dirty Harry Connection. A supporting cast hailing from the previous decade, the hallowed, heartbreaking Seventies.
Seems like Reni Santoni stayed a Coca-Cola-smacking cop and the Scorpio killer himself, Andrew Robinson, did an about face by becoming an "establishment figure."
And Then There Was Brigitte…
She never became the Rita Hayworth to Sly’s Orson Welles, but for one brief, triumphantly shining moment, she was a goddess to all men (and not just Enemies of tha Public!)
The opus ends with Voice of America’s Sons, an anthem we carried in our hearts through our subsequent years in high school, even if The Mighty Cobretti and His Match in the Mouth Dramatics didn’t have the impact on the rest of my generation…despite the mantra to the contrary, it was NOT to be The Way of the New World.
Towards the end of last year I had a spell of revisiting 80s action movies and COBRA was one of the better ones (I got through several Chuck Norris, Charles Bronson movies, many of which came from Cannon Films). COBRA was absurdly enjoyable and the action sequences are pretty good, but it's not a great film.
I only saw Cobra for the first time a couple of years ago, and I honestly, genuinely thought it was a spoof for the first 15 minutes. The way he keeps those shades on *whilst* performing trick shots inside a darkened store. And the toothpick.
Then I realised it was serious.
There are bright spots. I like the ridiculous photo shoot with the Smash potato robots, and also David Rasche as the photographer - this movie would be so much better if he were the hero as Sledge Hammer!
Also, I'm a sucker for the Levay synths, and a couple of the AOR songs on the soundtrack, particularly Hold On To Your Vision.
But then it goes to pot. Like Brian Thompson as I do, The Night Slasher is *ridiculous*. How this guy assembled a cult around him is a complete mystery. He can barely string a sentence together, and takes all his ideas from the mad woman. He's even worse than Death Wish 3's polite-on-the-phone "Manny" Fraker!
He's also a moron - he totally would have succeeded in killing Bridgette Nielsen in the hospital had he not stopped to kill three completely unrelated people along the way, and in fact, she wasn't even going to tell the police about him, until he goes after at the hospital!
And the cult - what do they actually want? All they seem to aspire to with the "New World Order" is to get a rhythm section of clanking axes going in a warehouse. They're crap. They waste the entire cult on a job that could have been done by one guy waiting with a sniper rifle until they walk out of the motel in the morning. Even at the end, when there's like maybe three of them left breathing, they still think they're going to rule the world. I can't get on with stupid villainy in films.
And then there's poor Andy Robinson stuck saying lines solely designed to get him decked that no reasonable human being would ever say.
It's Stallone on autopilot - particularly with the writing, and I can't get my head around the semi-classic status accorded it.
That's not to say if it was on TV right now I wouldn't watch it of course
Let's also not forget the Toys R Us commercial playing uninterrupted and in full camera view in the background as our hero Cobretti snips cold pizza with scissors and cleans his guns.
A childhood friend of mine--his name was also Brian Thompson, I kid you not--had moved out of the neighborhood the previous Summer--when Sly's Rambo II had torched our hearts--and came back for a visit during the Summer of Cobra. He was obsessed with the movie and even had a damn wooden toothpick in his mouth, and quoting Cobra!
Simon, I agree with your "absurd" assessment of COBRA. It's entertaining for all the wrong (or is that right?) reasons.
Towards the end of last year I had a spell of revisiting 80s action movies and COBRA was one of the better ones (I got through several Chuck Norris, Charles Bronson movies, many of which came from Cannon Films). COBRA was absurdly enjoyable and the action sequences are pretty good, but it's not a great film.
"Fair Game," the Paula Gosling novel it was based on, got adapted again almost a decade later under that title with William Baldwin, Cindy Crawford, Steven Berkoff and Salma Hayek - although the two movies are so dissimilar you'd never know it if it weren't for the credits. Based on the Amazon page at http://www.amazon.com/Fair-Game/dp/0751517070 the '90s version is comparatively closer to the book.
Sadly, Cindy Crawford does not play the Sylvester Stallone equivalent. Also sadly, she and Salma never share the screen.
Have to agree with Bill... I love Stallone action movies but for some reason Cobra I could never get into. I think it's because the character is too 'hot shot' and the movie feels too 80's to me. I can only remember two scenes of it, the pepsi stand shootout and the final fight, which felt so staged.
But I do have to say I like the cobra poster showing up in other movies, usually in cop's appartments
I love Stallone action movies but for some reason Cobra I could never get into. I think it's because the character is too 'hot shot' and the movie feels too 80's to me.
Francis, I never thought I'd read those words on this message board, unless they were written by me, of course.
Bill, to admit the "wink wink" aspect of this particular "Appreciation" would undo the "in jest nature" of it, so I won't mention it.
Slightly off-topic, but I always wondered why Robinson didn't become a bigger star after Dirty Harry. I know he's kept busy, but his portrayal of Scorpio was so haunting, and should have led to juicier roles. Just seeing his picture there gives me the willies.
In many ways, COBRA became the template for action movies in the 90's and beyond. I really liked the film upon it's release but it's not weathered the years very well. The film is shot is a very "music video" way that would become signature style for future director's like Michael Bay. In this period, Stallone was very much into montage. I think the opening montage in ROCKY III, for example, is brilliant. The montage sequences here are not quite as effective. Cosmatos does a fair job overall via Stallones script but this is pretty thin stuff. I've watched it recently via a Stallone 3 Blu-Ray pack and it was a fun film to revisit. But I'm not so sure I'll be popping it in again anytime soon. But I still like that car!
I really liked the film upon it's release but it's not weathered the years very well. The film is shot is a very "music video" way that would become signature style for future director's like Michael Bay.
So then...it HAS weathered the years, given the influence you mention?
Slightly off-topic, but I always wondered why Robinson didn't become a bigger star after Dirty Harry. I know he's kept busy, but his portrayal of Scorpio was so haunting, and should have led to juicier roles. Just seeing his picture there gives me the willies.
Perhaps he was just too damned good as Scorpio and people couldn't see past that. Right after Dirty Harry, Robinson had a small part on an episode of Bonanza, as the ne'er-do-well brother of Joe Cartwright's new bride. His role was small, but he did "disappear" into the role. I didn't recognize him until late into the episode. I guess he was "out of context", because I didn't expect him to even be on TV so soon after his breakthrough on Dirty Harry...which leads us right back to your point.
"Fair Game," the Paula Gosling novel it was based on, got adapted again almost a decade later under that title with William Baldwin, Cindy Crawford, Steven Berkoff and Salma Hayek - although the two movies are so dissimilar you'd never know it if it weren't for the credits. Based on the Amazon page at http://www.amazon.com/Fair-Game/dp/0751517070 the '90s version is comparatively closer to the book.
Sadly, Cindy Crawford does not play the Sylvester Stallone equivalent. Also sadly, she and Salma never share the screen.
Many moons ago I did read Paul Gosling`s book and some things from Cobra I did recognize in the book, some things from the Cindy Crawford film I did recognize in the book. But there where a lot of things in the book either movies did have. So a third definitive movie is something I could imagine one day.
Slightly off-topic, but I always wondered why Robinson didn't become a bigger star after Dirty Harry. I know he's kept busy, but his portrayal of Scorpio was so haunting, and should have led to juicier roles. Just seeing his picture there gives me the willies.
Perhaps he was just too damned good as Scorpio and people couldn't see past that. Right after Dirty Harry, Robinson had a small part on an episode of Bonanza, as the ne'er-do-well brother of Joe Cartwright's new bride. His role was small, but he did "disappear" into the role. I didn't recognize him until late into the episode. I guess he was "out of context", because I didn't expect him to even be on TV so soon after his breakthrough on Dirty Harry...which leads us right back to your point.
I think its been well documented - even Robinson has talked candidly about it over the years - how his career nose-dived instead of taking off, such was the creepiness of his Scorpio portrayal - producers just would not touch him. He did play the almost-as-creepy Harmon Sullivan in Charley Varrick (His scene with Joe Don Baker is 70s thriller golddust: "Where's Varrick?" Robinson (crying): "I wish... I did know...man") - again for Siegel - but then work just died. He did do other stuff - trapped in a never-ending wilderness of Hart to Hart and the Dukes of Hazard and such like) but key roles virtually evaporated until Hellraiser, his big "comeback". From memory I may have read his appraisal on all this in a big interview on the release of Hellraiser.
I really liked the film upon it's release but it's not weathered the years very well. The film is shot is a very "music video" way that would become signature style for future director's like Michael Bay.
So then...it HAS weathered the years, given the influence you mention?
In a way, I set a trap for myself! My point was that the action film as we knew it would change forever given this type of style. I don't think it was for the better. I personally think this style is used when the story is really thin. The idea being move the film fast enough and hope nobody notices that not much is going on. Attention deficit disorder filmmaking rules the day now, at least as far as weakly scripted action films go. I don't think Michael Bay films are going to weather the years very well either. I think that story matters most. I saw RADIERS OF THE LOST ARK at a screening this week and the showing sold out. Do you think a showing of TRANSFORMERS will do that 30 years from now? Probably not because it's all style and no substance. And in 30 years the CGI effects will probably be laughed at as quaint. In the end, story is the most important thing. And I don't think a showing of COBRA in cinemas today would attract much attention either for that matter.
Slightly off-topic, but I always wondered why Robinson didn't become a bigger star after Dirty Harry. I know he's kept busy, but his portrayal of Scorpio was so haunting, and should have led to juicier roles. Just seeing his picture there gives me the willies.
Perhaps he was just too damned good as Scorpio and people couldn't see past that. Right after Dirty Harry, Robinson had a small part on an episode of Bonanza, as the ne'er-do-well brother of Joe Cartwright's new bride. His role was small, but he did "disappear" into the role. I didn't recognize him until late into the episode. I guess he was "out of context", because I didn't expect him to even be on TV so soon after his breakthrough on Dirty Harry...which leads us right back to your point.
I think its been well documented - even Robinson has talked candidly about it over the years - how his career nose-dived instead of taking off, such was the creepiness of his Scorpio portrayal - producers just would not touch him. He did play the almost-as-creepy Harmon Sullivan in Charley Varrick (His scene with Joe Don Baker is 70s thriller golddust: "Where's Varrick?" Robinson (crying): "I wish... I did know...man") - again for Siegel - but then work just died. He did do other stuff - trapped in a never-ending wilderness of Hart to Hart and the Dukes of Hazard and such like) but key roles virtually evaporated until Hellraiser, his big "comeback". From memory I may have read his appraisal on all this in a big interview on the release of Hellraiser.
Clive Barker tried to revive him as the dualpart of Frank/Larry in Hellraiser and I remember an interview where Robinsom spoke with enthusiasm about his role and how great he thought it was back then. He made Hellraiser after his Cobra stint in 1987 *So much for the cat and mouseshit*
I reckon I've probably seen 7 of Stallone's highest ranking...the rest are a little baffling. Cobra was atrocious - it stinks, which is why I don't see it being in front of Cliffhanger.
Realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly?!? Well, pally, to coin an immortal muthaf_ckin fa-raise:
"I'm laughing at the "superior intellect." (and then some!)
SYLVESTER STALLONE'S TOP 10 MOVIES---ROLLING STONE readers' poll results.
1. ROCKY 2. FIRST BLOOD 3. COPLAND 4. OVER THE TOP 5. ROCKY IV 6. DEMOLITION MAN 7. THE LORDS OF FLATBUSH 8. COBRA 9. NIGHTHAWKS 10.CLIFFHANGER
