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Posted: |
Sep 9, 2007 - 1:57 AM
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By: |
Tall Guy
(Member)
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I notice no one has "touched" on the rumored Fivehouse video nasty...and I'm not going to, either!
The Fivehouse Porn Video, you mean. Starring Ron Jeremy?
MaxB
A friend of mine owned a video library in Newcastle upon Tyne in the early 1980s, and I clearly recall several under-the-counter titles that he had. One of these was Fivehouse and the Neasden Cannibal Driller Killer. I didn't see it all the way through, as customers kept coming in, but it was definitely not something that the BBC would show at teatime.
Max, I think you might be getting confused with a short-lived series of British softcore porn films riding on Fivehouse's success. The first of these, Truncheon Meat, had to change its name to Carry On Detecting when the Spam Marketing Board stepped in. Confessions of a Police Inspector wasn't far behind. Again, I didn't see it all the way through - just the odd snatch.
My memory is a little hazy on all the details of these Fivehouseploitation films - maybe others are better informed, in which case I'd like to hear about it.
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ALAN FIVEHOUSE DIALOGUE CLASSIC:
Taken from THE MASK OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE.
Fivehouse (Michael Lonsdale) and son Nigel (Nicholas Rowe) speculate about the identity of the "Brown Biscuitman."
NIGEL
So what you're saying is that this chap has a
keen sense of smell when it comes to aged Finlandia Swiss?
ALAN
(Sarcastically smiling) If there is one lesson that your mother always instilled in me...(Pauses, while reaching for the hunk of cheese that is on the floor) Never underestimate the sensibilities of a cheese connoisseur - for all exceptional cheeses are never cut from the same mold..
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C.R.A.P. INTERVIEW: Part IV
In December, 1979, Twentieth Century Fox released ALAN FIVEHOUSE with little fanfare. There was no Hollywood premiere, but a smaller "invitation-only" affair that occurred in New York. Press coverage was limited to a local newspaper and spanish-language UHF television station. The expectations were quite low.
FSL: (Laughs) It was underwhelming. I can only relate the whole experience to attending the 6th birthday party of one of my nephews. Half of who you expected to be there actually showed. Frankenheimer and Fransiscus were there, but Lonsdale was a no-show. Jerry [Goldsmith] was busy working on the STAR TREK movie for Paramount and could not attend. The only press we got was from the New York Daily News and some Long Island Spanish [television] channel! (Laughs) The reporter from the tv station didn’t speak English and interviewed us in Spanish! Thank goodness I was the only one who spoke fluent Spanish, or else we’d really be in trouble. (Laughs)
BIG: Why do you think the press coverage was sparse?
FSL: (Laughs) Sparse is not the word for it. Depressingly dismal is more appropriate. I think it could be argued that there were many factors. It was a pretty depressing time, as I recall. We had the hostage and gas crisis, high interest rates, overall feeling of uneasiness. People were interested in the “Event” pictures, I guess. Paramount was releasing the STAR TREK movie and Fox was investing into ALIEN. Nobody seemed interested in ALAN FIVEHOUSE. It’s comically sad, in a way.
While ALAN FIVEHOUSE was not looking to draw huge box office in the U.S. , European audiences went crazy over it. The total box office abroad resulted in 96% of the overall revenue for ALAN FIVEHOUSE. The movie was a smash success, earning at least twenty times its cost.
FSL: The budget on the first FIVEHOUSE was something like $970,000. I think when all was factored in, it made just under twenty million worldwide. That’s not too shabby a return on investment. (Laughs) I remember everyone was stunned.
BIG: Did you receive any of that return?
FSL: Well, I did see at least one percent of the gross, eventually. That was pretty good money back then. Now, it’s an average corporate executive’s salary. (Laughs)
BIG: What about the aftermath? Was Fox immediately interested in doing a follow-up?
Loftybeck’s assistant then politely interrupts us for tea and twinkies. Loftybeck has a penchant for chocolate-covered twinkies with an Earle Gray tea.
FSL: No. At first, they didn’t know how to react. It took about a year for them to figure it out, after the final business was tabulated.
BIG: Did you enjoy the experience?
FSL: It was fun. The people involved really made the experience amazing. Although, (Laughs), I’m still trying to figure out Lonsdale.
Next time, the sequel and final part of the interview.
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ALAN FIVEHOUSE DIALOGUE CLASSIC:
From SON OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE:
"My father was consistently inspired by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle with the tenacity of an aloof barrister...But he relayed some very important lessons...First and foremost....The game is never afoot until one has determined its modus operandi.."
NIGEL FIVEHOUSE
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Further oblique evidence of his devotion to Sherlock can be found in The Alan Fivehouse Murders:
"When you have eliminated the impossible, Sergeant, and there's nothing actually left, it's time to close the file and head for the bar."
Fivehouse raised the "bar" with those one-liners.
MaxB
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MUSIC FROM THE ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK
THE MASK OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE
COMPOSED AND CONDUCTED BY JERRY GOLDSMITH
HUNGARIAN STATE OPERA ORCHESTRA
Recorded by Mike Ross
Orchestrations by Alexander Courage and Nancy Beach
DIGITAL RECORDING
CD Tracks:
1. Brown Biscuitman (4:27)
2. Meeting Nigel (3:08)
3. A Pear? (3:49)
4. The Odds Are Against It (2:29)
5. Finding Rebecca (4:08)
6. The Funeral (3:17)
7. Alan and Nigel (2:58)
8. Corrupt Barrister (5:10)
9. Cat and Two Fivehouses (8:01)
10. Another Murder (3:10)
11. Caught in the Act (3:40)
12. End Titles (The Alan Fivehouse Theme) 5:45
Total Time: 49:02
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ALAN FIVEHOUSE DIALOGUE CLASSIC:
From ALAN FIVEHOUSE.
"...Death, scandal, sex. These are the societal blemishes that sell newspapers, Inspector Fivehouse - not preposterous theories about ambiguous plots featuring ghost-like perpetrators. You, of all people, should be able to appreciate the proliferation of conjecture...which could arguably be the foundation for the plotline of some bad movie.."
STANTON MOORE
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THE MADNESS KNOWN AS: MAX BELLOCHIO
Hey. Be Nice. 
MaxB
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ALAN FIVEHOUSE DIALOGUE CLASSIC:
From WHO WEEPS FOR ALAN FIVEHOUSE?
"The world is an endless maelstrom of discontent, Fivehouse. Unequivocally, it's all down to you..."
LORD STUART DREADMORE
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C.R.A.P. INTERVIEW – PART V – THE FINALE
ALAN FIVEHOUSE™ was a box office success, much to the shock of everyone involved. It became this phenomenal success when all of the common wisdom suggested it would fail. While it took nearly a year to tally the final ticket sales, many were already talking about a sequel – except Twentieth Century Fox.
FSL: To this day, I still don’t know why they [Fox} waited so long. I think they were ramping up for the release of the much-anticipated STAR WARS sequel – which caused a very lackluster interest in [an ] ALAN FIVEHOUSE™ [sequel]. I was already told by Harvey [Bernard} to have a script ready-to-go for a proper window of opportunity, but it almost never came.
The Fivehouse sequel was finally set to start production in the summer of 1980.
BIG: So, how did the delay affect the production, once it started?
FSL: From what I remember, Fox really spent a lot of money on a continued exclusive distribution deal with LUCASFILM™ over the STAR WARS sequels. In fact, they originally wanted to cut our budget in half for RETURN OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE. But, we felt that the first film was really cut to the bone. We were surprised that they didn’t at least double our budget for the sequel. It was very dismaying. (Laughs) Then it just went down-hill from there.
BIG: How so?
FSL: (Sighs with frustration)..Well..(Pauses)..First Johnny [Frankenheimer] did not return, due to his commitment on THE CHALLENGE. Beautiful film. He was shooting a lot over in Japan and the schedule wouldn’t work out. Then, Lonsdale was not firmly committed. He wanted more money – which was only right, because did such a fantastic job on the original. Without Lonsdale, we had no movie…(Long Pause)…And then, Harvey asked me if I could come up two possibilities: First, they were thinking about another actor to replace Lonsdale in the role. This really depressed me, but they wanted to keep the option open. So, I came up with THE RETURN OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE. Simultaneously, I was working on an alternate story without the Alan Fivehouse, called SON OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE. They were going to cast MICHAEL YORK at first, but he seemed too old for the role. Then IAN McSHANE was floated, but he seemed unimpressed by the script – which, I admit, was really horrible….(Pauses) Somehow, we had a bigger budget again, which got Lonsdale on board. We went with the original idea, but it’s interesting to note that SON OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE was saved for later and reworked slightly to feature a father-son teaming.
The budget for RETURN OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE was 2.1 million dollars. Principal photography began in July, 1980 in Paris.
BIG: Why did production start in Paris?
FSL: I think the director [Jeannot Szwarc] insisted upon it. (Laughs) I think he told me that there was this annual wine and brie festival that he didn’t want to miss that coincided with the production schedule. He worked it out to go to the festival every night after production wrapped for the day. I think the final film really reflected this. The Paris scenes, to me, looked rushed and unevenly paced. Even some of the footage was over-exposed a little. But, it wasn’t a total loss. The Paris scenes only took a month, so we were back at Twickenham for the remainder of the shoot.
BIG: I had heard that Lonsdale played a practical joke on you?
FSL: (Laughs) He made the entire crew wear these ALAN FIVEHOUSE masks that were made during the scoring sessions of the first film. He had about a hundred more made for this time around. During the shoot of the climax, he requested that we all wear the mask. (Laughs) Somewhere, someone has a picture of that.
BIG: Frederick S. Loftybeck, it’s been great having you here.
FSL: thank you. The pleasure was all mine.
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BIG: Frederick S. Loftybeck, it’s been great having you here.
I had a shitty day and just needed me some Fivehouse! Thanks Max!
I'm sorry to hear about your day. I'm house-cleaning and I'm bound to find some more FIVEHOUSE stuff in boxes.
By the way, I empathize. I have not had such a pleasant month so far. Hang in there!
MaxB
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JOHN MCTIERNAN commenting on the unorthodox merchandising strategy for the ALAN FIVEHOUSE franchise:
"...Probably the most absurd story that I heard...The toy company Mattel actually licensed an ALAN FIVEHOUSE colorforms set for U.S. distribution. Imagine how inane that is..What kid would play with an ALAN FIVEHOUSE colorforms set?..."
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FRED LOFTYBECK on the BBC's resurrection of the ALAN FIVEHOUSE character for television:
"...I always retained the rights to the ALAN FIVEHOUSE characters and situations [stories]. After Fox decided to terminate the film franchise, I was approached by the BBC and Michael Caton-Jones in 1997 to re-develop FIVEHOUSE for British television. It was a daunting challenge. I was tasked with presenting something familiar, yet fresh. We were able to hire (again) MICHAEL LONSDALE, but team him up with four supporting detectives. Together, they would be known as THE FIVEHOUSE FIVE. They were an elite investigative branch of Scotland Yard that would solve high-level crime. I think we had an impressive cast, which included David Thewlis, Alison Doody, Martin Freeman, Sonya Walger. THE FIVEHOUSE FIVE was truly cutting edge at the time..."
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