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Sorry for your loss, storyteller.
My mom passed New Year's Day this year, and the overwhelming feeling (mine and everyone else's) was one of relief. She had been suffering from Alzheimer's for six years (Since that appears to be, at least partly, hereditary, prospects for me and my brother might not be so good), and in the last three she'd degenerated to a vegetative state. That was no life worth living. In fact, it was no life. But modern medicine keep you "alive" (= paying) as long as possible ...
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Dear Storyteller,
I'm so sorry about your loss. I'm happy that her suffering is over, and that you have that blessed assurance that she's with the Lord. That is a wonderful thing.
I'm praying for your comfort, and that of your family.
Chris
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Sending you some positive vibes. Cry cry cry cry, let it out and then after time let the healing begin.
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Posted: |
Oct 22, 2013 - 5:29 AM
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By: |
Browny
(Member)
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Like everyone who has commented, I too had this happen to me on August 12, 2012 and I can say even now that I STILL miss my mother terribly. She was just 69. She had stroke in 1987 -- followed by a year in hospital for nuero surgery and rehab -- and never really recovered fully. Maybe about 60% but in the succeeding years she also had a hip replacement, dialysis and a successful kidney transplant in 1999. But for the rest of her days my father was her rock. I believe I spoke about this at length when some of us were discussing the merits of the wonderful film "The Notebook" and how the two main characters in that picture mirrored my parents. Made me appreciate my father so much more.
Long story short; I am not a person who likes the limelight and who would shy away from anything public, however as the oldest of three children (I'm 52) I knew that because my father was too heartbroken to do it, the eulogy at her funeral would have to be done by me. I was terrified at the same time and mulled over the whole week should I or shouldn't I do this. In the end I knew if I didn't I would only regret it. And above all I wanted to give her a wonderful send off.
So, because we are all film music lovers I think some of you may enjoy the following little tidbit. I decided to write, produce and basically single handed, present the entire eulogy at her funeral. If you read my profile you'll see I am a huge Williams and Goldsmith fan but when it counted I never used a note by either of them. I put together a PowerPoint slide show that I wanted played during the ceremony. I chose the photos from the history of her life, and being the family photographer because I pretty much document every major event in our family (weddings, births, milestones etc) I came to the realization that I had plenty of photos of her from the time she was young until she passed -- except that for the last 20 years or so I had none of us together becuase I was always taking the shots and not being in them. Luckily there was a shot of three of us (me, Mum and Dad) at my 50th in 2011 with her triumphantly holding my hand high in celebration. That photo is now one of my greatest treasures!
But getting back to the eulogy. I knew what I had wanted to say so wrote it all out and printed it off in like size 24 font so I wouldn't have to squint during the reading. Ha! The very first record my mother ever bought me was a Partridge Family LP (and yes I admit it I love that music even to this day!). In a moment of reflection I chose not a song that was well known or even a hit for that matter. But a song used on the TV series that I knew she liked. It was called "As Long as There's You" (by the great Tony Romeo) and for those that remember the show, it was featured in the episode where Shirley is named Mother of the Year. How fitting.
That went down very well (and I was so surprised to hear such enthusiasm from people of my age group who related to it and said they loved it too! Such great affirmation.) I ended the 20 minute ceremony with a final thoughts section where I chose what I believe is one truly emotional piece of score music. I chose the track "The Mountain" by Marc Shaiman from the beautiful film "The Bucket List". This elegant cue is simply 2 mins and 40 seconds of bliss. Those who know the film will recall it plays over Morgan Freeman's funeral scene and ends on top of Mt Everest as the music quietly subsides to its lovely conclusion.
And let me tell you it worked far better than I had planned because there was literally not a dry eye in the place as it finished ... and I am talking nearly 100 guests who were there. I loved my mother dearly and know (even now as I write this) that I shall remember and miss her forever. If you are still lucky enough to have your parents with you don't hold back. Tell them you love them now. Afterwards is too late. Those three little words are joy for a parent to hear.
And you know what? It's been a little therapeutic for me to get that off my chest but I am so glad I did.
Cheers, Geoff.
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Storyteller, I am sorry for your loss. Take solace that your mom is no longer in pain. You will never stop missing her, but the loss does get easier, with time. God bless.
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