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 Posted:   Nov 13, 2012 - 3:47 PM   
 By:   filmo   (Member)

did you hear that former presisident bush was asked about beirut? he thought arod was better. did you hear that former french presidential candidate dominique strauss-kahn became very sick recently and they had to take him to the hospital. just as he arrived, his condition became much more serious. apparently he took a turn for the nurse. do you know the difference between barack obama and stephen harper? obama has more hostages. by the way, they are in the process of making a movie based on obama's distinguished military career. Full Dinner Jacket

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 13, 2012 - 4:02 PM   
 By:   filmo   (Member)

did you hear that former president bush was asked about beirut? he thought arod was better. do you know the difference between barack obama and stephen harper? obama has more hostages. by the way, they are in the process of making a movie about obama's distinguished military career. Full Dinner Jacket

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 13, 2012 - 4:15 PM   
 By:   filmo   (Member)

did you hear that when former president clinton left office, he bought a new home in upstate new york with alot of new furniture. but he had a problem with one desk that he had to return. apparently he didn't have enough head room.

 
 Posted:   Nov 21, 2012 - 4:16 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Did you know I shot my first Thanksgiving turkey last night?

Yeah, scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section too!

 
 Posted:   Jan 14, 2013 - 7:56 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Sign seen on my neighbor's door:

"Because of the price increase of ammunition,
do not expect a warning shot!
Thank you for your understanding."

 
 Posted:   Jan 14, 2013 - 8:27 PM   
 By:   Justin Boggan   (Member)

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.

 
 
 Posted:   Jan 15, 2013 - 9:56 PM   
 By:   dan the man   (Member)

The people in Washington D.C, if that is not a joke i don't know what is.

 
 Posted:   Feb 4, 2013 - 5:44 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

A woman sat up in bed and asked, "Doctor, when will I be able to resume a normal sex life?"

The puzzled doctor responded "Hmm, no one has ever asked that question after having their tonsils removed."

 
 
 Posted:   Feb 4, 2013 - 6:38 PM   
 By:   dan the man   (Member)

There once was a man who did not speak very good english who went to the drugstore to pick up some aspirin. After leaving the store he got on the bus. However while on the bus he realize he didn't have his aspirins, In upset manner in broken English he yelled, my aspirin[it sounded like assburn]. The bus driver turned around and said, stick it out the window and cool it off.

 
 
 Posted:   Feb 13, 2013 - 5:16 AM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

Buddha walks into a McDonalds and says: "Make me one with everything"

 
 
 Posted:   Feb 13, 2013 - 9:44 AM   
 By:   Timmer   (Member)

Buddha walks into a McDonalds and says: "Make me one with everything"

Like it! big grin

By the way Chris, if you had a choice between having world peace or Bill Gates fortune, what colour would your Lamborghini be?

 
 
 Posted:   Feb 13, 2013 - 9:56 AM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

Buddha walks into a McDonalds and says: "Make me one with everything"

Like it! big grin

By the way Chris, if you had a choice between having world peace or Bill Gates fortune, what colour would your Lamborghini be?



big grin big grin

Good to see a return to sophistication on this thread.

 
 Posted:   Feb 28, 2013 - 4:40 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

We know what Emoticons are. What about Ass-Icons?

(_!_) ...a regular ass

(__!__) ...a fat ass

(!) ...a tight ass

(_*_) ...an asshole

(_O_) ...an ass that's been around

(_x_) ...kiss my ass

(_E=mc2_) ...a smart ass

(_$_) ...money coming out of his ass

(_?_) ...dumb ass

 
 Posted:   Mar 1, 2013 - 6:16 PM   
 By:   Dana Wilcox   (Member)

George is walking down the street one morning when he runs into his doctor.

"Oh my God, George," says the doctor. "I have some bad news and some worse news! Which do you want first?"

George thinks for a minute and says, "Gee, doc. I guess, give me the bad news first."

"Okay, George, here goes. Your tests came back and you only have 24 hours to live."

George is stunned. "Jeepers, what could be worse than that?!"

"We'll," says the doctor, "I couldn't reach you yesterday, when the tests came back!"



 
 Posted:   Mar 10, 2013 - 7:45 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Medical students were shown the following five letters - I..P..E..S..N

They were asked to re-arrange the letters to spell a body part that is most useful when erect.

Those who spelled SPINE graduated.

Those who spelled another body part failed and wound up as congressmen.

 
 Posted:   Mar 10, 2013 - 8:07 PM   
 By:   Charles Thaxton   (Member)

2 drunks sitting at the bar...one glances across the bar then looks at his buddy and says "Hey, check out those 2 idiots over there, that's us in ten years!" And his buddy says "That's a mirror, dumbass!"

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 14, 2013 - 8:37 PM   
 By:   dan the man   (Member)

I went to AUNT ETHEL'S funeral the other day.She is an atheist, there she was at the wake in her coffin, all dressed up with no place to go.

 
 Posted:   Mar 15, 2013 - 5:57 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

An elderly man was trying to get his new kite to take flight.

First attempt...nosedive into the ground.

Second attempt...instant downturn into the pavement.

Third attempt...crash and burn.

His wife stuck her head out the window and shouted "You need to get some tail!"

"I tried that last night. You told me to go fly a kite" he said.

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 16, 2013 - 9:32 PM   
 By:   Eugene Iemola   (Member)

So there's these two cannibals eating a clown and one cannibal turns to the other and says, "You think its starting to taste funny?"

 
 Posted:   Mar 28, 2013 - 7:37 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

New word in Webster's Dictionary - "Exhaustipated"

Definition - Too tired to give a shit.




 
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