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 Posted:   Mar 29, 2013 - 5:40 PM   
 By:   Christopher Kinsinger   (Member)

...another one-line zinger that always makes me laugh out loud, from The Producers:

Max Bialystock: "THAT'S OUR HITLER!"

big grin

 Posted:   Mar 29, 2013 - 6:45 PM   
 By:   dan the man   (Member)

THE DEVIL'S BRIDE-68-[Don't take this the wrong way the guy who said this as a character was a S.O.B]- but it is a classic line, I won't be back, but something will[chilling].

 Posted:   Mar 30, 2013 - 9:15 AM   
 By:   Christopher Kinsinger   (Member)

From 1969, William Goldman's excellent writing for Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.
This is the chase and escape from Lord Baltimore:

"I think we lost 'em. Do you think we lost 'em?"
"Neither do I."

"Which way?"
"It doesn't matter. I don't know where we've been and I've just been there.....They can't follow us. We're safe."
"Really think so?"
"I will if you will."

"How long ya' figure we've been watching?"
"Oh, a while."
"How long before ya' figure they're not after us?"
"A while longer."
"How come you're so talkative?"
"Just naturally blabby I guess."

"I see it."
"Torches ya' think?"
"Ahhh maybe. Maybe lanterns."
"They're followin' our path."
"Dead on it."
"I couldn't do that...could YOU do that? How can THEY do that? Who ARE these guys?"

"Ah, you're wastin' your time. They can't track us over rock!"
"Tell them that."
"They're beginnin' to get on my nerves. WHO ARE THESE GUYS?"

(Finally, trapped on a cliff, high above a rocky whitewater stream)
"Dammit!...Well the way I figure it we can either fight or give. If we give we go to jail.
"I've been there already."
"But if we fight they stay right where they are and starve us out. Or go for positions. Shoot us. Might even get a rock slide started, get us that way. What else can they do?"
"They could surrender to us but I wouldn't count on that....They're goin' for position alright. Better get ready."
"Kid, the next time I say 'Let's go someplace like Bolivia', let's go someplace like Bolivia!"
"Next time....ready?"
"No!......we'll JUMP!"
"Like hell we will"
"No, it'll be OK. If the water's deep enough we don't get squished to death. They'll never follow us."
"How do you know?"
"Would you make a jump like that you didn't have to?"
"I have to and I'm not gonna."
"Well we got to otherwise we're dead. They're just gonna have to go back down the same way they come. C'mon."
"Just one clear shot that's all I want."
"We GOT to!"
"Nope! Get away from me!"
"I wanna fight 'em!"
"They'll kill us!"
"You wanna die?"
"DO YOU?" (pointing to cliff)
"Alright. I'll jump first."
"Then you jump first."
"No I said!"
"Whattsa' matter with you?"
"AHH HAAA HA HA HAAAA! Why, are you crazy? The FALL will probably kill ya'!"
"Ooooooooooooooooh Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"
(they leap off the cliff)

Storyteller, when you said you had to stop writing or you'd end up writing the entire script, this is one of those! Every moment is a GEM!

 Posted:   Mar 30, 2013 - 9:17 AM   
 By:   Christopher Kinsinger   (Member)

The opening lines from Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.
Butch watches as a bank is being closed. He speaks with the bank guard:

"What happened to the old bank? It was beautiful!"
"People kept robbing it."
"It's a small price to pay for beauty..."

 Posted:   Mar 30, 2013 - 11:51 AM   
 By:   Rich McGann   (Member)

In the light of the recent demise of Richard Griffiths, it seemed appropriate to post a classic scene from the extremely quotable Withnail & I. The whole picture is the movie equivalent of a pint of Guinness (an acquired taste!). This scene is very funny but also deeply sad. Paul McGann's acting is superb as he "narrowly avoids a buggering" .....

Enjoy... I soooo love this movie!

 Posted:   Apr 3, 2013 - 5:59 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)


The General addresses the troops while standing in front of a huge 48 star American flag...

Be seated.

Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country. Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans, traditionally, LOVE to fight. All real Americans LOVE the sting of battle.

When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost and will never lose a war. Because the very thought of HATEFUL to Americans.

Now, an army is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The billious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Post don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating.

Now, we have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit and the best men in the world. You know, by God, I actually pity those poor bastards we're going up against. By God, I do. We're not just going to shoot the bastards. We're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks! We're going to murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel!

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken-out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The Nazis are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill THEIR blood. Shoot THEM in the belly. When you put your hand...into a bunch of goo...that a moment before was your best friend's'll know what to do.

Now there's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We're not holding anything. Let the Hun do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything...except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're gonna kick him in the ass! We're gonna kick the hell out of him all the time and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose!

Now, there's one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home. And you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great World War II?". You won't have to say, "Well...I shoveled shit in Louisiana." you know how I feel. Oh, I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime...anywhere.

That's all.

 Posted:   Apr 3, 2013 - 6:08 PM   
 By:   Christopher Kinsinger   (Member)

Thanks, Adam B...

I've always LOVED that speech!

big grin

 Posted:   Apr 3, 2013 - 6:41 PM   
 By:   dan the man   (Member)


 Posted:   Apr 8, 2013 - 9:01 PM   
 By:   Christopher Kinsinger   (Member)

From Star Trek VI, The Undiscovered Country

Kirk and Spock share a reality update:

"We volunteered?"
"There is an old Vulcan proverb. 'Only Nixon could go to China'."
"How could you vouch for me? That's arrogant presumption!"
"My father requested that I open negotiations -"
"I KNOW your father is the Vulcan ambassador for heaven's sake. But you know how I FEEL about this...they're animals!"
"Jim...there is an historic opportunity here..."
"Don't believe them! Don't trust them!"
"They are dying..."

 Posted:   Apr 9, 2013 - 8:44 AM   
 By:   BillCarson   (Member)

I didnt travel...600 miles....for the amusement of morons.

 Posted:   Apr 9, 2013 - 10:07 AM   
 By:   Christopher Kinsinger   (Member)

"I didnt travel...600 miles....for the amusement of morons."

I'm not familiar with that one, Bill.
But I like it!
What's it from?

 Posted:   Apr 9, 2013 - 11:00 AM   
 By:   Storyteller   (Member)

From Thunderbolt and Lightfoot

[Lightfoot shows up with the van, newly dented by the girl on the motorcycle]

Red Leary: Where'd you get the dents?

Lightfoot: [Nonchalantly] Progress. I dreamt about you last night.

Red Leary: What about?

Lightfoot: I dreamt you said hello to me.

Red Leary: Don't you get smart with me. I'll break both your arms.

Lightfoot: I'll keep that in mind.

Red Leary: Remember what I said. John and me go back a long way. But you don't mean nothin' to me, understand? Nothin'!

Lightfoot: What'd you try and kill him for then?

Red Leary: Because we were friends.

 Posted:   Apr 9, 2013 - 11:22 AM   
 By:   dan the man   (Member)

TAXI DRIVER-75- Robert Deniro to the hood at the brothel of sought-giving money to the hood,-TRAVIS- Spend it well-HOOD-Come back anytime-TRAVIS- I will------HE SURE DID[HA-HA]

 Posted:   Apr 10, 2013 - 2:27 PM   
 By:   Gordon Reeves   (Member)

smile "Any trouble, Boy?" cool

"No, Old Man. Thought I was having trouble with my adding ...
it's alright now."

cool big grin

 Posted:   Apr 10, 2013 - 2:51 PM   
 By:   Storyteller   (Member)

Since it is now a movie, from The Dark Knight Returns:


Rookie Cop: You're under arrest, mister. You just crippled that man.

Batman: He's young. He'll walk again.

Batman: [to Punk] But you'll stay scared, won't you, punk?


Alfred Pennyworth: [To Bruce] If it's suicide you're after, I have an old family recipe. It's slow and painful. You'd like it.


Mutant Leader: That a tickle?

Batman: That was a nerve bundle in your deltoid. Might not hurt, but you won't be moving that arm for a while.

Mutant Leader: You finished, old man.

Batman: You don't get it, son. This isn't a mud hole. It's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon.

And while we are at it, from Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm


Arthur Reeves: [on TV] What kind of city are we running when we depend on the support of a potential madman!

[Alfred turns off TV]

Alfred: What rot, sir! Why you're the very model of sanity. Oh by the way, I pressed your tights and put away your exploding gas balls.

Bruce Wayne: [Dryly] Thank you, Alfred.


And this last line from B:MOTP that proves that the animated films do it better than any of the live action ones:

Alfred: Vengeance blackens the soul, Bruce. I've always feared that you would become that which you fought against. You walk the edge of that abyss every night, but you haven't fallen in and I thank heaven for that.

 Posted:   Apr 10, 2013 - 4:36 PM   
 By:   tex1272   (Member)

"What did you use for protection-paper or plastic?"

 Posted:   Apr 10, 2013 - 5:36 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)


Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) walks into a golf clubhouse with his driver, Mr. Wang.....

I think this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish. OK, fine. Hey, kid! I'm Al Czervik. I'm playing with Drew Scott today. This is my guest, Mr. Wang. No offense.

Oh, gimme a half dozen of those D10s and set my friend up here with the whole shmear. Ya know,

Hey, orange balls! I'll have a box of those. Gimme a box of those naked lady tees and gimme two of those, gimme six of those.

Oh, this is the worst looking hat I ever saw. What, you buy a hat like this, I bet you get a free bowl of soup, eh? Oh, it looks good on you, though!

 Posted:   Apr 10, 2013 - 6:56 PM   
 By:   dan the man   (Member)


 Posted:   Apr 10, 2013 - 6:58 PM   
 By:   dan the man   (Member)

TO ADAM B-RODNEY DANGERFIELD was one of the funniest comedians that ever walked the earth, lightning speed.

 Posted:   Apr 11, 2013 - 6:35 AM   
 By:   BillCarson   (Member)

"I didnt travel...600 miles....for the amusement of morons."

I'm not familiar with that one, Bill.
But I like it!
What's it from?

That, mr Kinsinger, is Joe Don Baker.

As the hitman Molly.

from Charley Varrick.

He goes into a whorehouse and the whores are laughing at his name.

Some bloke playing darts takes exception to his 'morons' line and says: "...Now just a ***damned minute there, mister...!"
And Molly cuts him dead with: "You just keep throwing your feathers, mister... before I put you in the hospital"

J D has a lot of wicked one liners in that film, which is brimful of proper great dialogue (as opposed to overrated and overwritten taratineey style shite).
In fact this was the film where Tarantino stole his Pliers and blowtorch line in Pulp Fiction.

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