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 Posted:   Jun 16, 2014 - 2:55 PM   
 By:   DavidinBerkeley   (Member)

A Native American man remembers what his father told him when the boy said men don't cry:

"If you don't cry, you don't get rid of that poison that's in your body, that hurt, that pain. That's the only way you can truly be strong."

Also very telling is how his father reacted when seeing his son throwing bottle caps at someone. Boy, that really hit home with me.

http://www.npr.org/2014/06/06/319191058/from-father-to-son-life-lessons-passed-down-through-generations

 
 
 Posted:   Jun 16, 2014 - 9:23 PM   
 By:   Christopher Kinsinger   (Member)

That is very, very powerful.
Thanks for sharing it with us, David.

 
 Posted:   Jun 17, 2014 - 4:25 AM   
 By:   Ron Hardcastle   (Member)

I almost never cry, although I've mentioned elsewhere here that at the end of "Oblivion" (written and directed by Joseph Kosinsky, starring Tom Cruise) I almost always cry. And I also cry at the end of "An Affair To Remember" when Cary Grant finds his painting of Deborah Kerr. And the death of a loved one would also open the floodgates.

 
 Posted:   Jun 17, 2014 - 6:53 PM   
 By:   DavidinBerkeley   (Member)

That is very, very powerful.
Thanks for sharing it with us, David.


You're very welcome, Christopher.

I hope some others read it, too.

 
 
 Posted:   Jun 18, 2014 - 1:17 PM   
 By:   John B. Archibald   (Member)

Years ago, I read an article in the New York Times about a large group of men, all of whom were cancer patients at New York's Memorial Sloan Kettering hospital. Not one of them had cried in over 30 years.

You hold the poisons in, they fester.

 
 Posted:   Jun 18, 2014 - 1:36 PM   
 By:   mastadge   (Member)

Years ago, I read an article in the New York Times about a large group of men, all of whom were cancer patients at New York's Memorial Sloan Kettering hospital. Not one of them had cried in over 30 years.

You hold the poisons in, they fester.


Maybe things fester if you hold them in, but I think it's a heck of a stretch to imply some sort of causal link between not crying and cancer.

Anyway, that is a powerful piece, David. For myself, however, while I'd be unashamed to cry, it just doesn't happen, really. I'm not holding back or holding it in, but I can't remember the last time I went beyond tearing up to actually crying. Maybe there's just not enough pain/poison in my life?

 
 Posted:   Jun 18, 2014 - 2:03 PM   
 By:   Ron Hardcastle   (Member)

mastadge:

I don't think that John was implying any link between the men not crying and their cancer! Puleeeeeeze!!!

 
 Posted:   Jun 18, 2014 - 2:30 PM   
 By:   mastadge   (Member)

I don't think that John was implying any link between the men not crying and their cancer! Puleeeeeeze!!!

Then what was the purpose of the anecdote?

"A large group of cancer patients, none of whom had cried in decades. When you hold the poison it, it festers." What else does that imply to you?

David, my apologies if I derailed the thread.

 
 
 Posted:   Jun 18, 2014 - 4:38 PM   
 By:   Octoberman   (Member)

I'm 52.
I cry all the time*.
I look like a man half my age.
'Nuff said.

(* Of course it is usually when I can't find my rattle, but there you go.)

 
 Posted:   Jun 18, 2014 - 6:08 PM   
 By:   DavidinBerkeley   (Member)

Nobody reacted to what the dad said when he caught the boy throwing the bottle caps?

Hmm.

 
 
 Posted:   Jun 18, 2014 - 6:21 PM   
 By:   Octoberman   (Member)

Nobody reacted to what the dad said when he caught the boy throwing the bottle caps?
Hmm.



Actually, yes.
Forgot about that bit.
When I read the article to The Missus the other night and I got to that specific part, I got a tremendous lump in my throat and she instantly had tears in her eyes.
It demonstrated a standard of innate parenting skill (not to mention social conscience) that you almost never see anymore.

 
 
 Posted:   Jun 18, 2014 - 6:33 PM   
 By:   Christopher Kinsinger   (Member)

"Nobody reacted to what the dad said when he caught the boy throwing the bottle caps?"

Sorry…I didn't bother to mention that I wept.
I'm a 61 year old man, and that story caused me to weep like a little baby girl.

My brother was three years older than I, and he was mentally challenged all of his life. Back in the 50's and 60's, we referred to people with his condition as "retarded." Whatever.
I watched helplessly as he was tormented by many of his peers and some adults throughout his lifetime.
He died unexpectedly nearly three years ago today.
I found his body.
That was the most terrible moment of my life.
And it all came rushing back when I read that story.

I'm glad that you shared it, David.
People often tend to be cruel to others, and it is always a good reminder to resist such awful impulses.

 
 Posted:   Jun 19, 2014 - 5:54 AM   
 By:   Ron Hardcastle   (Member)

mastadge:

Re: Then what was the purpose of the anecdote?

This posting is about whether or not men cry. John simply cited an article in the New York Times about a large group of men who had never cried in over 30 years. He added that they were cancer patients, perhaps an unnecessary detail but still part of the story.

What does having cancer have to do with their inability to cry? More information than you probably needed to know, but I'm sure he wasn't trying to draw any sort of connection between not crying and getting cancer!!! Who WERE those men who hadn't cried in over 30 years? Leaving out that they were cancer patients robs it of why their story was being told in the New York Times! I realize that most of us aren't journalists here, but it's still nice to sometimes have the who, what, why, where, and when in some of our postings.

Wait -- I had forgotten his line about the poisons and the festering, so can see what set you off. But I still don't think that he was really trying to make a connection between getting cancer and not crying, though the final line does seem to muddy the water a bit.

 
 Posted:   Jun 19, 2014 - 5:57 PM   
 By:   DavidinBerkeley   (Member)


It demonstrated a standard of innate parenting skill (not to mention social conscience) that you almost never see anymore.


Hear, hear.

 
 Posted:   Jun 19, 2014 - 5:58 PM   
 By:   DavidinBerkeley   (Member)


And it all came rushing back when I read that story.

I'm glad that you shared it, David.
People often tend to be cruel to others, and it is always a good reminder to resist such awful impulses.


I'm sorry to hear you lost your beloved brother, Christopher. Thank you for sharing his story with us.

 
 
 Posted:   Jun 19, 2014 - 6:55 PM   
 By:   dan the man   (Member)

From my own personal experience in life and what I have seen I can't say that men cry any less then women do, They just do it in a more subtle manner. I think it is absurd to even assume that men cry any less.

 
 
 Posted:   Jun 20, 2014 - 12:36 AM   
 By:   Tobias   (Member)

Well for those other men who thinks crying is not for us men then I guess they have not had any kind of tragedy in their family like I . October 9, 1997 my brother died in a car accident (caused by a drunk driver who was sentenced to one year but got out after only 9 months). If I talk to someone about Martin my brother I can feel that the tears are coming. Especially if it is on either his birthday or his deathday.

If you who is a man and reading this have not experienced something similar then I can understand why you don`t cry but if you had been in my "shoes" then you would probably do the same.

 
 Posted:   Jun 23, 2014 - 9:23 PM   
 By:   Ron Hardcastle   (Member)

Any Lawrence O'Donnell fans out there? He returned tonight on MSNBC ("The Last Word") after a serious car crash 2 months ago in the Virgin Islands (his SUV taxi was hit head-on by a drunk driver, seriously injuring him), and the opening third of the hour centered on how TV newsmen aren't supposed to cry, and O'Donnell himself teared up, especially when he told the story of the Irish nurse named Shannon who was the only one who would care for a black American soldier in England during WWII, and how that soldier named his own daughter Shannon and she grew up to be O'Donnell's angelic nurse when he was flown back to the U.S. When he told us that if he were to have another daughter he would name her Shannon, my own eyes filled with tears. I've set my DVR to record the program later tonight so I can preserve this very moving broadcast. And I especially liked his citing of Walter Cronkite's touching appearance as he learned on air that John F. Kennedy had died as a monumental moment for news anchors. And we've seen that moment re-broadcast thousands of times in the last 50+ years.

 
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