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Posted: |
Oct 20, 2014 - 11:38 AM
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By: |
Ado
(Member)
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I am pretty private but, oddly, you all feel like friends even as I have never met you personally.
Anyway, writing here to tell you to love your dads, and to somewhat get it off my chest - my dad passed away last week.
We were sometimes at odds, I got a bit wild before I finally settled down. He was a pretty deep guy, a thinker, and sometimes I was not sure what he felt about me. He had a somewhat hard life of some physical illnesses. So there are many things that dad's might do that might dad probably could not do, or did not have the energy to do.
But I threw some things on paper, trying to capture the better moments of life with a son and father to make me and my mom feel better. I visited him in the hospital about 10 days ago, and held his hand a long time. At the time they thought he was getting better. When I left the hospital I assumed I would see him again. That would end up being the last time I held his hand.
here is my little poem for dad
__________________________
I held my dad's hand last week and that will stay with me forever. When I bring it back in my mind, I think of things we did together, and things I imagine that we might have done. Maybe they never happened. But it does not matter. I can remember them because they live inside me.
So as I hold his hand inside me I am a little boy and he was and always will be my dad.
And I remember;
Walking with him along grassy banks along a river, trees reaching high above - the sound of water flowing across rocks nearby - birds singing above us, the cool air smells of dewy grass.
Sitting outside on a bench beside him, we are both eating ice cream - the sky is perfect blue, with white puffy clouds, the sound of children laughing all around.
We are flying a kite together - it gets up so far up you can barely see it, we laugh as we run, pulling it along with us.
Then we are swinging together, we see how high we can go - and imagine ourselves flying up in the sky right into the sun - we feel like our toes touch the clouds. He reaches across to me and holds my hand - there he is - my dad – always.
I love you dad
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Posted: |
Oct 20, 2014 - 11:57 AM
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By: |
joan hue
(Member)
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Ado, thank you for sharing your thoughts and poem with us. My condolences to you for the loss of your father.
I adored my dad and grieved deeply when he died about 8 years ago. I sense that dads are often less articulate about their feelings that moms are. My dad was always a bit uncomfortable saying, “I love you.” He was an old school WWII vet raised when men didn’t really share their feelings. In the last few years of his life, he did express his feelings towards me and his granddaughters, and he did this without embarrassment. Guys can feel. My husband always leaves the “talking” up to me with our daughters, but he is always there with those strong hugs and some words to signal his love for all of us.
I’m sure your dad knew, when you held his hand, that you were signaling your own love to him.
Dads are just plain special, and we should love them and hopefully let them know our feelings even if they get a bit uncomfortable.
Thank you for sharing, and may those special memories that you shared in your poem bring you warmth and comfort.
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Posted: |
Oct 20, 2014 - 12:42 PM
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By: |
Ado
(Member)
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Ado, thank you for sharing your thoughts and poem with us. My condolences to you for the loss of your father.
I adored my dad and grieved deeply when he died about 8 years ago. I sense that dads are often less articulate about their feelings that moms are. My dad was always a bit uncomfortable saying, “I love you.” He was an old school WWII vet raised when men didn’t really share their feelings. In the last few years of his life, he did express his feelings towards me and his granddaughters, and he did this without embarrassment. Guys can feel. My husband always leaves the “talking” up to me with our daughters, but he is always there with those strong hugs and some words to signal his love for all of us.
I’m sure your dad knew, when you held his hand, that you were signaling your own love to him.
Dads are just plain special, and we should love them and hopefully let them know our feelings even if they get a bit uncomfortable.
Thank you for sharing, and may those special memories that you shared in your poem bring you warmth and comfort.
Thank you Joan.
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sorry to hear about your dad ado. i can only echo what joanie says. Sometimes when close family pass we mourn not just for them but for the relationship we wish we'd had. But that said, in the final analysis, it doesnt matter. What we have with them is what we have, however imperfect and however restricted it is by one or both parties' inability to display what they feel. Sometimes father-child relationships can exist understated, even if we ideally wish them to be more openly loving, and by the sound of it, you knew you loved him and he knew he loved you, everything else is immaterial.
It doesnt have to be lit up in 50 ft lettering on top of a tall building. Holding his hand says a million words, mate.
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thoughtful poem by the way. Feelings will be raw for a while, but it will ease in time, and fond memories will override any sad ones.
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Very sorry to hear of your loss Ado. I have been doing a lot of thinking in the pass few months and when I read what you posted above, I need to start writing down more things to remember about my Dad. When my Dad first started getting sick, his old doctor said it was old age, and we left it at that, but with some medicine changes and no improvement, we got a second opinion. We found out Dad had stage 2 colon cancer, but in the past few weeks it has been moved to stage 3c and is not looking good. There is no place for me to look weak, because if Dad sees my weakness, I think he will give up. We have spent many hours crying together. My brother wants nothing to do with Dad, so I will take care of my Dad until I am no longer able to without help. I do love my Dad!
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Posted: |
Oct 21, 2014 - 7:29 PM
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By: |
Ado
(Member)
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Very sorry to hear of your loss Ado. I have been doing a lot of thinking in the pass few months and when I read what you posted above, I need to start writing down more things to remember about my Dad. When my Dad first started getting sick, his old doctor said it was old age, and we left it at that, but with some medicine changes and no improvement, we got a second opinion. We found out Dad had stage 2 colon cancer, but in the past few weeks it has been moved to stage 3c and is not looking good. There is no place for me to look weak, because if Dad sees my weakness, I think he will give up. We have spent many hours crying together. My brother wants nothing to do with Dad, so I will take care of my Dad until I am no longer able to without help. I do love my Dad!
Lovely Kim, thank you, and know that my heart is with you, and sending my positive thoughts your way for your father. Inside your loveliness is a good heart too.
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Nice words.
My father passed away 3 years ago of illness, 74 years old. I am glad for the years he was here.
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