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I haven't cried, but I am really depressed. I am mourning his loss. His was the music that kicked off my film score passion. I've been a fan since 1982 from then on his music has always been a part of my life. Knowing his creative voice has been suddenly silenced too soon breaks my heart. I will celebrate his life with his music all day and probably beyond.
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I think it's fair to say that the death of James Horner has prompted an outpouring of condolences from the industry (sincere - and less so) and the general public that's already unprecedented in the history of film music.
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Posted: |
Jun 23, 2015 - 10:09 AM
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By: |
theOzman
(Member)
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I caught myself in moment this morning where I was reflecting on how I'd told my wife that I'd just read that James Horner had died. I'd been sitting my my work desk for a couple elf hour mulling over whether it was true, "Could it even be possible?" Even though the conclusion was seemingly inevitable that he was the one on the plane, once it was confirmed was like having air drawn out of me and a clutch put on my heart. She had come upon me to discuss some thing and caught me me in a dumbfounded moment and asked me "are you ok?" I got even more quite and the words could badly come out "James Horner has just died." I started crying, but held back, because I truly felt stupid and silly for feeling the way that I did for someone that I'd never met, nor was he ever a friend of mine. Lets face it, being a film music fan is like living in a void sometimes and very few people , even those closest to us, will ever know why we are enamored or consumed by it. But my gal got it and was very quick to console and encourage me to feel through it... still I resisted, because I felt silly for feeling so connected to film music. But that's the thing, like many of us, this stuff is in my soul. We don't just like or love it. It's part of our DNA and like a hit song (think "Stairway to Heaven" or any Beatle song) that might connect the "average person" to a moment of their life, that's exactly what this is for us. He was my rock star throughout Jr High and High School and many of my classmates knew it (I was student body president and if you rode in my car with me there3 was no way around not hearing copious amounts of film scores thumping through the concert speakers that made up the back of my VW Camper.) But here I was late last night, feeling like I needed to really purge something from myself. I tried accessing it by listening to Horner's scores, but it just didn't could come. I gave all the old tricks a try. You know, the score tracks that always made me feel something profound, but it only seemed to touch the surface.
But then it came... as I was pouring my morning coffee and with no music playing at all, it came. I watched as the brew came out the pot and the sunlight caught the steam rising from the cup, my mind started to sort through the many important moments of my life that James Horner was there to counsel me through. The largest of these was losing my father when I was 14 and one of the places that I retreated to was the world of film music (something that my father had enjoyed, as well.) It dawned on me that Horner had been my muse, my psychologist and, more importantly, a patient and understanding friend to the child in me that truly needed one. In a matter of seconds, time drew out into an echo of feelings that have stayed locked inside me for several decades. When I need to cry, Horner was there. When I needed inspiration, creatively or just in life, Horner was there. When I challenged myself and climbed up the 3,000 ft face of Yosemite's El Capitan, Horner was there (we carried a nice sized ghetto blaster and had Horner's ST:TWOK, KRULL, BRIANSTORM, WILLOW, etc playing as we made our dangerous accent.) Every girlfriend that I ever had, and even more than any other film composer, surely knew his name (and I'm sure that they still do!) Countless life moments came flooding back and I starred sobbing uncontrollably. And all this happened while I wasn't listening to any of his music at all.
But I was. Because it was where it always had resided inside me and that was in my DNA and in my soul. It's a hard thing to articulate, but I know that came to me this morning was powerful and important. I don't believe that I will get one phone call from a friend or family member who will ask me how I am doing, because they don't know or would understand that I feel the way that I do. Heck, I'm just badly understanding it. But I do know that folks on this board get it and we each hold an import part of our selves over to the music and composers that we love. Horner may have died never knowing how profoundly impactful and how important his music was to others. That and, maybe more importantly, how many would surprisingly regard him as a trusted friend.
That is all and I hope that others can find there way through this tragedy and get closer.
Best,
Oz
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I did and listening to Star Trek III and have tears in my eyes. I am 72 and wish he could have lived and I go because he adds such great music to the world. I can only listen.
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