I think this is going to be a very educational thread for an oldster like me. I have not heard one of these phrases.
(PS - I'm serious! I think catch-phrases and slang are fascinating, although eventually most of it winds up being annoying.)
"Uglier than a can of smashed assholes." Mean spirited, to be sure...not something I'm likely to utter...but ear-catching, nonetheless.
You see, it's the smashed that gives it its oomph. ("Oomph" = 40s slang for, among other things,'pizzazz;' Ann Sheridan was known as "The Oomph Girl." )