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jwb1:
Jerry may have been a musical genius but he was definitely an asshole.
I remember a fan posting here (or may this was an article) years ago he went to a scoring session (I forget which film Jerry was recording for that day) to some score Jerry was recording. Jerry was busy. The fan had brought multiple CD's with him to be signed, but the "air" seemed to not be one to approach Jerry. He left them against a wall and went around looking at things, chatting with musicians, etc. He got home and started to put the CD's away when he noticed: Jerry had snuck in when he wasn't looking and signed the CD's, then put them back without saying a word.
Yeah, clearly the move of an asshole.
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Posted: |
Aug 30, 2021 - 7:50 PM
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By: |
Tevose
(Member)
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Lukas,
I know this has grown into a very complicated matter - and I applaud you for being transparent and apologetic... to some extent, at least.
But in reading the post on your website, I cannot help but really suspect that there is some troubling, deep-rooted resentment fueling your decision to expose this old wound yet again. Only this time, it seems you continue to fail at learning from your past mistakes. Of course, it could all be for an ulterior motive with the launching of a new website, but I'll digress on that cheap suspicion on my part in an effort to go much deeper and to give you the benefit of the doubt.
You offer us this insight as a way to understand your situation and explain the mistakes you had made with regard to the Goldsmith family (one being the lack of confidentiality not being previously upheld entirely on your part, for which I would argue needs no real, formal agreement between you and others to recognize the moral high ground in those moments), but in doing so, you make new mistakes all over again. One line in your post that I found incredibly revealing and tasteless is when you're speaking on behalf of the call with Goldsmith's son, Joel. You conclude your description of that intense phone call with this bit:
"Which was true, although I have to say, Joel was a hothead and his rant was insane. I had to keep from giggling."
I understand that you may remain resentful for how Joel might have approached the call with you, but to dangle it out here for us all to read, 15 years after the fact - equipped with that tacky, closing effort to be recognized as having been humored by it all - just further slaps the family in the face, including Joel who has now passed on himself. I don't suspect that you're helping the family, who has had some difficulties with one another, succeed past these terribly personal memories (the failure of a complicated publication included).
As for the possessing of the material itself, I understand completely why you are choosing to not rid yourself of it, despite being asked to discard it. You are a fan of this man's work; you are a nerd at heart, someone who sees the historical importance of this kind of stuff being preserved even if it means you have to become a villainous martyr of sorts in seeing it survive despite the wishes of contrary. I really try to put myself in your shoes here and ask myself what I would do. Part of me - okay, a lot of me - would never be able to go through with it either, because part of my brain is thinking on how it may never see the light of day if Carrie's own copies were to be destroyed, and what a great tragedy it would be to never have all those insights into a man we all have come to love and respect, despite any and all of his eccentricities being exposed in the process.
As a fan of film music, you sit with the ultimate collector's item, one of which has never seen much of any circulation. The Goldsmiths are likely worried to death that it will someday be passed out despite their requests - and for good reason, since you already failed to uphold this by passing it along to Goldsmith's unnamed colleague as you've admitted, further diluting any trust that can be placed in you. They may fear what some of us all might fear about say embarrassing photos that could be hacked, stolen, or accidentally exposed in some manner. I sympathize with their concern over this. Who wouldn't be worried about something being out there on a computer or hard drive that would potentially expose a family to further pain and scrutiny?
And with that being acknowledged, do I believe you will ever fulfill the Goldsmith wishes of truly getting ridding of the material? I know you won't. And I refuse to sit here and try to pretend as if I don't know why you wouldn't have a desire to fulfill their request, as if moral behavior will always trump our primitive natures. I think if you had an ability to have your cake and eat it too with this matter, you would without hesitation. I don't think you want to be the bad guy in all this. I feel as if you know deep down there's no way for you NOT to be the bad guy here. It's too late. And now the only thing is to try and explain it away over and over again - teasing us all with what you have come to be privileged to know. It's in your 'pack-rat' nature to hoard it and watch the world try their best to get at it - perhaps motivated by resentment, preservation, revenge, or just personal confliction that warrants the expression and exposure of this dilemma again and again. Only you really know.
I'll close by saying this: If it were me, despite you having the ultimate trophy, despite having made a living on this family's name for years, I would relinquish myself from this burden. Yes, the material may one day never exist anymore, but in the end, it was never yours to begin with. What did you really have all this time? A bootleg. And in terms of your line of work and these forums, I can't help but notice it as the ultimate hypocrisy.
But... you did have something else all along, something even better than holding another person's bag of dirty laundry: you had the appraisals and appreciation for all you've done for this community; you had a sense of impeccable taste and commitment to the products you created, often times unmatched by any other producer; you were someone, like us, who believed in this music and its creators. This is why it's such a shock to see someone in your position. How did it get to this, I wonder? How did Lukas Kendall fall victim to such a terrible situation. I suppose it's you being human in the end. But it would seem, in the end, that your own personal desires mean more than the family's wishes, and that in-and-of-itself is bound to be met with controversy. As I described; do I know why you're refusing to do it? The same way I know people will slow down to watch a car accident even if there's blood on the road 50 feet back. It's in some people's nature, and naturally, it will come down to your own choosing whether or not you will slow down, or... keep driving on, even it it means to live with the knowledge that you won't know everything.
All the best.
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Quickly -- somebody find a typo and complain about the font choice! ;-)
I was hoping for Comic Sans. Oh, well...
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Posted: |
Aug 30, 2021 - 9:27 PM
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By: |
Tevose
(Member)
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I will also quickly add a caveat to the argument that Lukas will continue to keep the promise that it not be shared "forever."
What's so disingenuous about this is the failure to look at one's self with complete honesty (which is strange considering how honest Lukas is most of the time) in what their actions will eventually lead to. That, or Lukas is being honest with himself over this and just refuses to alter its future by destroying it, knowing full-well exactly its fate.
To take this a little further...
Lukas swears he would never leak the manuscript, and perhaps he never will. I'd really like to believe him on this. However - and my apologies for any morbid hypotheticals here - after he passes, it will come into the hands of another, and will they share that same discipline/promise and never release the material? Will they do so even accidentally? There's no way of knowing this right now. Perhaps the Goldsmiths are onto this disheartening possibility, but Lukas fails to see how his action of retaining the copy cannot possibly guarantee a promise he's willing to make to that family. If it's out there, someday that promise will be broken - period. Now you can technically argue that the promise isn't really broken if, when Lukas is no longer with us, he, who made the promise, obliged his every word while living out the rest of his years. But just knowing that it will eventually end up in another's hands, and that alone will put the family's wishes (and possible respect) at risk, one has to wonder why he would hold onto it at all. I suspect the historical insights of this coming to light someday supersedes any respect Lukas could offer the family by deleting it, but that's simply a conjuring of my own theory. Again, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Lukas's argument here is deeply flawed. And that's okay. As I previously wrote, I understand his nature with this situation. We don't have to respect it, but I certainly understand it as a whole. And that's exactly where Lukas is standing on this, I'd bet: "Tear me up if you must, but I just can't force myself to do it."
In the end, I think Lukas himself is logical enough to know that a breath of air is of no use to anyone until it reaches the lungs. The Goldsmiths should think twice - as I'm sure they will after this - before trusting an outsider to something so personal. After all, Benjamin Franklin once said, the only way to keep a secret between three people is if two of them are dead. You live, you learn.
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Posted: |
Aug 30, 2021 - 11:07 PM
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By: |
Mark Mostel
(Member)
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I am profoundly shocked at the lack of humanity here. I find the entire notion not only of what Mr. Kendall has done but also his decision to carelessly throw out all of this potentially slanderous and *private* information inconsiderate and bizarre. It's contradictory and hypocritical. If you want to defend this on the grounds of preservation and history then you're as backwards-minded as anyone else who prioritizes materialism over human goodwill (in this case, goodwill to the Goldsmith family and their right to the book's contents, legal agreements and loopholes be damned). I understand that these types of things will come out with time anyway, but it's just not the right time for it. There's a time and place for all of the nasty and petty stories about this person or that person to come out and be pieced together in the name of history. Let time take its course - and if it isn't meant to come out, it isn't meant to come out. Don't 'play God' like some unfeeling scientist and hurt people in the process.
The flippancy with which Lukas has not only collected these accounts but also *shared* them with no consideration for how others could be affected by it is not very becoming. Why is he being excused and congratulated for leaking private information (including a general summary of the book's very private contents)? I'm not going to give someone a pat on the back and time off for honesty when it's in the face of continued avoidance of the problem, which is *his* to put an end to. There's something horribly childlike (and I regret using that word) about the way he keeps flatly, profusely expressing his regrets for "everything", or blaming his "personality defect" - putting all of this out there in the first place reads to me like a slightly pathetic cry for help from a grown man who can't deal with his own problems. I mean, it's one thing to be an awkward nerd, but you can't blame your awkward-nerd-y-ness for over a decade's worth of continued bad decisions and behavior and then expect people to treat you like a reasonable adult overnight. I don't know Lukas personally - and I know he's apparently quite a celebrity around here - so I don't mean to sound like a character witness; surely he isn't as malicious or unsensible as would appear to me. I'm only approaching this from the perspective of someone with no prior stakes in the matter.
I understand that you may remain resentful for how Joel might have approached the call with you, but to dangle it out here for us all to read, 15 years after the fact - equipped with that tacky, closing effort to be recognized as having been humored by it all - just further slaps the family in the face, including Joel who has now passed on himself. I don't suspect that you're helping the family, who has had some difficulties with one another, succeed past these terribly personal memories (the failure of a complicated publication included).
My thoughts exactly.
C.J.
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Posted: |
Aug 30, 2021 - 11:37 PM
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By: |
Tevose
(Member)
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I am profoundly shocked at the lack of humanity here. I find the entire notion not only of what Mr. Kendall has done but also his decision to carelessly throw out all of this potentially slanderous and *private* information inconsiderate and bizarre. It's contradictory and hypocritical. If you want to defend this on the grounds of preservation and history then you're as backwards-minded as anyone else who prioritizes materialism over human goodwill (in this case, goodwill to the Goldsmith family and their right to the book's contents, legal agreements and loopholes be damned). I understand that these types of things will come out with time anyway, but it's just not the right time for it. There's a time and place for all of the nasty and petty stories about this person or that person to come out and be pieced together in the name of history. Let time take its course - and if it isn't meant to come out, it isn't meant to come out. Don't 'play God' like some unfeeling scientist and hurt people in the process.
The flippancy with which Lukas has not only collected these accounts but also *shared* them with no consideration for how others could be affected by it is not very becoming. Why is he being excused and congratulated for leaking private information (including a general summary of the book's very private contents)? I'm not going to give someone a pat on the back and time off for honesty when it's in the face of continued avoidance of the problem, which is *his* to put an end to. There's something horribly childlike (and I regret using that word) about the way he keeps flatly, profusely expressing his regrets for "everything", or blaming his "personality defect" - putting all of this out there in the first place reads to me like a slightly pathetic cry for help from a grown man who can't deal with his own problems. I mean, it's one thing to be an awkward nerd, but you can't blame your awkward-nerd-y-ness for over a decade's worth of continued bad decisions and behavior and then expect people to treat you like a reasonable adult overnight. I don't know Lukas personally - and I know he's apparently quite a celebrity around here - so I don't mean to sound like a character witness; surely he isn't as malicious or unsensible as would appear to me. I'm only approaching this from the perspective of someone with no prior stakes in the matter.
I understand that you may remain resentful for how Joel might have approached the call with you, but to dangle it out here for us all to read, 15 years after the fact - equipped with that tacky, closing effort to be recognized as having been humored by it all - just further slaps the family in the face, including Joel who has now passed on himself. I don't suspect that you're helping the family, who has had some difficulties with one another, succeed past these terribly personal memories (the failure of a complicated publication included).
My thoughts exactly.
C.J.
Agreed. The more one sits around and thinks about this, the more selfish it appears and the more questions one ends up having. The 'summary' you speak of really does speak volumes, doesn't it? This wouldn't seem to be the work of a sorry individual, sad to say. Who would compose of these words knowing the family protests against these details? To give a timeline of the book, adding little details that seem only to be an overwhelming indication of one just bursting at the seams to get this stuff out, is absolutely ridiculous in its approach. I hope people re-read this and understand it for its callousness:
"The story here is not unique: hardworking man builds impressive career for himself out of talent and backbreaking work; has a tumultuous, alcohol-fueled, Mad Men-era marriage with first wife; divorces first wife and marries younger second wife; has an adoring marriage to the new wife; but the kids from the first marriage and the new wife never see eye to eye."
I mean - wow. So much for confidentiality.
If I'm a member of this family, I'm only further hurt by reading this - be it true or not. Lukas, I'm afraid you've lost your place in all of this.
You know - I was excited to see the website honestly (which is well done), hence my entering into this thread in the first place, but what I got after the fact was a written piece that indirectly dirties up the website and tarnishes the author behind it. It's a real shame. I always appreciate honesty, but it doesn't guarantee that I'll feel good after inheriting it. Lukas, it's your show here, and I want to respect you in your house, but there's some very troubling aspects of your goal here - whatever that may have been. If I've taken this completely opposite of what your intentions for it was, then I apologize, but this reads in fairly black and white for me. It's an incredibly insensitive post. And, who knows, maybe that's precisely why you posted it, since, as you said, you don't care what-so-ever what the Goldsmiths think.
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I will only say that there is nothing the widow Goldsmith could have done to prevent the daughter from relating her own personal experience with her, and how she felt. And having had one experience with the widow Goldsmith (I didn't have to personally deal with it or even meet her), observing her behavior did not leave me with a good impression. But yes, the daughter needed a proper editor or co-writer who could have steered her through whatever waters were muddy. But the one body of water that wasn't and isn't muddy, is the daughter being able to tell her story. Anyone who's written an autobiography or memoir tells their experiences and sometimes it involves talking about acrimonious things regarding others. Oh, well. I've written two and believe me when I tell you that I wrote what I wanted to write and in just a handful of cases I'm sure the people who I wrote about would have preferred I didn't, but it was my story to tell and I told it and there was nothing they could do about it.
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Posted: |
Aug 31, 2021 - 5:19 AM
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By: |
Bus_Punk
(Member)
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"I foolishly and arrogantly inserted myself into a situation that had no winnable solution"
"I reviewed the book, absolutely loved it—but Carrie herself had trepidation about publishing the book given the family matters contained therein, and I immediately understood why."
"I got a letter from CARRIE'S lawyer saying she was going to take some time to decide what to do next—and would I please return or destroy all the materials?
And here is where my own defective personality came into play: I said no, I wouldn't."
Mr Lukas, this is a situation that you have made far more complex than it should be, and has evidently caused 15 years of angst on behalf of the Goldsmith family. By your own admission, you know you did the wrong thing.
The right thing is to STOP thinking of yourself and you packrat collector mentality, and destroy the materials you have NOW. THIS MINUTE. Yes it will be painful to let it go, but that's what Carrie wants, and wanted. I'm sorry, but you don't come off well here. At all. You need to walk away from this, after deleting all materials, taking down this article from your website (which is otherwise awesome, by the way), and deleting this thread. Being the internet, this will travel quickly to other film score related sites. Fast. So get in there and do the right thing and put all this behind you, for your sake as well as the Goldsmith family. It is the right thing to do. And you'll likely feel far better about it once done. It's in the past. Leave it there and move on.
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