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 Posted:   Mar 22, 2011 - 8:09 PM   
 By:   Mr. Jack   (Member)

If I were to apply to an online dating site, what would I even write about myself? Where should a terminally shy (probably mildly autistic) 36-year-old even begin to look? I just think any woman's interest would drop off sharply 1.) when she sees the pictures 2.) when she learns I don't own a car and 3.) when she learns I probably have Asperger's (even if I lie about this, she'll probably know something's wrong with me when I spend the first date staring fixedly at my plate).

 
 Posted:   Mar 22, 2011 - 8:28 PM   
 By:   drivingmissdaisy   (Member)

If I were to apply to an online dating site, what would I even write about myself? Where should a terminally shy (probably mildly autistic) 36-year-old even begin to look? I just think any woman's interest would drop off sharply 1.) when she sees the pictures 2.) when she learns I don't own a car and 3.) when she learns I probably have Asperger's (even if I lie about this, she'll probably know something's wrong with me when I spend the first date staring fixedly at my plate).

Before you do anything, it sounds like you really need to talk to a counselor first and foremost. Maybe then he/she can help you build your self esteem up and get you on a better foot for the world. THEN after you are doing much better on so many areas of your life, then work with getting a girl.

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 22, 2011 - 8:30 PM   
 By:   Taylor Fenno   (Member)

Just keep trying mate. That's all you can do.

You could always try going to a hospital as a patient and hoping a nurse develops Florence Nightingale syndrome.

 
 Posted:   Mar 22, 2011 - 8:53 PM   
 By:   Holly   (Member)

Mr. Jack, let's 86 (i.e. remove) the girlfriend equation for the moment. I would suggest joining a support group so you can talk with other people who share the same issues?

http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/Forums.aspx

...networking can not only result in answers, but promise.

And OASIS @ MAAP is a wonderful online resource, not to mention, community: http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/Home.aspx

 
 Posted:   Mar 22, 2011 - 9:17 PM   
 By:   Mr. Jack   (Member)

I met with a represenative of AANE (Asperger's Association of New England) early last year, but haven't taken any steps beyond that, mainly because I REALLY don't want to be in a room filled with people like me (I sometimes wonder what my behavior seems like to "regular" people, and I'm afraid to actually find out). Plus, not being able to drive means I'd need to bum a ride off my brother every time, and it's not fair to him to take up his valuable time on a weekly basis.

I just need to go on a date just once just so I can say I tried, even if I'm utterly terrified the entire time. If I could ease into it with a lengthy online correspondance, it'd certainly help.

 
 Posted:   Mar 22, 2011 - 9:25 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

You can connect with a woman under circumstances you never intend or expect. Here's how I began my relationship with my girlfriend Lisa -

One week I was having work done on my car so I rented one for local transportation. I came home Friday night after work. I had to take the rented car back to the rental office by 9 a.m. Saturday morning. Since I had the rental car until morning, I decided to drive up to Atlantic City (from Rockville, Md.) to play cards for a couple of hours and then come home to return the car on time. I got in the car and started the engine. I was ready to drive away when Lisa, a woman I barely knew from my neighborhood, walked up to me and asked if I had bought a new car. I told her no, that it was just a rental and I was going to AC for a little fun before returning the car. I half-jokingly asked her if she wanted to come along, fully expecting her to answer no. To my surprise she said yes. She had never been there and wanted to see the city. I quickly explained that it was a 7 hour round trip drive and we would be there for only about 2.5 hours before we would have to drive back. She still wanted to go so I said hop in. When you're in a car with someone for 7 hours you have lots of time to talk and get to know each other, and that's exactly what happened. After I returned the car that morning (and getting a couple of hours of sleep) we met up again to chit-chat about our impromptu trip and she told me what a great time she had. I took that opportunity to ask her out to lunch that Saturday afternoon and everything fell into place from that point forward.

That's just one example of finding love when you're not even looking for it!

 
 Posted:   Mar 22, 2011 - 9:39 PM   
 By:   Holly   (Member)

I met with a represenative of AANE (Asperger's Association of New England) early last year, but haven't taken any steps beyond that, mainly because I REALLY don't want to be in a room filled with people like me (I sometimes wonder what my behavior seems like to "regular" people, and I'm afraid to actually find out).

I think you should take a step in that direction. And why? You'll LEARN more about yourself, and what makes you YOU! And a problem I'm seeing is that you don't see yourself as "regular" -- and the only thing I can think of when being "regular" is taking more fiber. You are YOU, as I am ME. We are people, we are humans, and we are WE.

 
 Posted:   Mar 23, 2011 - 7:06 AM   
 By:   Jehannum   (Member)

I just got one so now I'm an expert!

If you see someone you like then make eye contact. Don't be discouraged if she doesn't smile or react positively. Talk about any old crap such as the surroundings. Suggest going for a drink.

Don't waste your life looking for the perfect woman. You'll grow to like her more over time if it's right.


^ What an idiot.

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 23, 2011 - 10:50 AM   
 By:   scrapsly   (Member)

I met with a represenative of AANE (Asperger's Association of New England) early last year, but haven't taken any steps beyond that, mainly because I REALLY don't want to be in a room filled with people like me (I sometimes wonder what my behavior seems like to "regular" people, and I'm afraid to actually find out).

I think you should take a step in that direction. And why? You'll LEARN more about yourself, and what makes you YOU! And a problem I'm seeing is that you don't see yourself as "regular" -- and the only thing I can think of when being "regular" is taking more fiber. You are YOU, as I am ME. We are people, we are humans, and we are WE.


Great advice by Ms Mitchell. Find happiness within and be happy who you are and what you already have. Did you notice all the posts about money ? If a person has money, they can get women, but let that same person lose that money and see how long the other person hangs around ? If you want a girlfriend or desire to get married, I am NOT trying to disuade you but take half a day and go to your local court house (it is free) and sit and listen to all the divorces that happen in today's society. 55% of marriages end in divorce in the U.S. these days. I lost my house, I get to see the love of my life (my child) about 25% a year according to the standard order (I live 10 minutes away from my EX who makes more money than I do) and there is a State run agency that gets federal funding that provides FREE legal services IRREGARDLESS of a person's income that will increase your child support payments every three years, but when you get denied your court ordered time with your child you are told time and money are two seperate issuses and you have to go and hire an attorney who just happens to charge by the hour. If you happen to be a hetrosexual who only likes women like me, 86% of women have primary custody of their children so you can live with them and be 75% more involved in their lives than you get to be with your own child. All of that is really not very appealing to me so I have learned to LOVE being single. Dating is ok, but I love being single. Being single is NOT so bad Mr Jack. Find happiness within and be happy with you. Love will find you or it will not. What I am saying is that THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.

 
 Posted:   Mar 23, 2011 - 4:03 PM   
 By:   WILLIAMDMCCRUM   (Member)

If I were to apply to an online dating site, what would I even write about myself? Where should a terminally shy (probably mildly autistic) 36-year-old even begin to look? I just think any woman's interest would drop off sharply 1.) when she sees the pictures 2.) when she learns I don't own a car and 3.) when she learns I probably have Asperger's (even if I lie about this, she'll probably know something's wrong with me when I spend the first date staring fixedly at my plate).


Mr. Jack ... here is the question:

(a) You say 'probably mildly autistic', and 'probably have Aspergers'.

(b) You can objectively observe and evaluate your 'fixed stare at the plate'.

Now ... you're not winding people up are you? I mean, even a teenzy-weenzy bit?

So many people are prematurely and falsely diagnosed with Asperger's, it's an industry. You don't come across as one in what you write, though that's not always any indicator. Too self-aware.

Do tell.

 
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