 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Posted: |
Oct 11, 2002 - 3:13 PM
|
|
|
|
By: |
Ron Pulliam
(Member)
|
In the spirit of fun (and MUCH-NEEDED BALANCE on this messageboard), here's what the wits and pundits have said about Dubya in the past -- a refreshing change of pace from all the twittery propangandizing idolatry of this less-than-perfect icon of democratic tampering and tapdancing on the Constitution:
George W. Bush - Quotations/Comments
Hopefully, he is not as stupid as he seems, nor as Mafia-like as his predecessors were.
- Fidel Castro
You know, we make fun of President Bush. But seriously, it's nice to have a president who is busy coloring eggs instead of trying to fertilize them.
- Jay Leno
Mr. Rogers went to the White House, and it was very nice. He stopped by the White House and took four new, big words to the president.
- David Letterman
Logically unsound, confused and unprincipled, unwise to the extreme.
- Jiang Zemin, Chinese President on George W. Bush
I saw an intelligence expert on TV today saying the White House failed to connect the dots. That's ironic because connecting the dots is Bush's favorite game.
- Jay Leno
The White House keeps saying they went with the best intelligence available - too bad the voters didn't.
- Jay Leno
Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon arrived in Washington Sunday night to give President Bush a 91-page book proving that Yasser Arafat funded terrorists. White House sources say that President Bush has the book and is almost done coloring it.
- Tina Fey
There's Adam Clymer, major league asshole, from the New York Times.
- President Bush to Dick Cheney (overheard at a press conference)
According to the latest poll in the Washington Post, 63 percent of Americans said that so far they approve of President Bush. Not surprisingly, the other 37 percent are English teachers.
- Conan O'Brien
Yesterday, at the White House, in the middle of an interview, President Bush jumped up out of his chair and started swatting at a housefly. When asked about it, the White House spokesperson said, 'Hey, that's nothing. You should see him chase a tennis ball
- Conan O'Brien
We make fun of George W. Bush, but this morning he was at work bright and early. Okay, he was early.
- Jay Leno
President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.
- Conan O'Brien
As President Bush so eloquently put it in his address to Congress: 'Mathematics are one of the fundamentaries of educationalizing our youths.' I could not have said it better with a 10-foot pole.
- Dave Barry
I think that if you are the leader of planet Earth, you should be smarter than me. You just get the feeling, don't you, in the Oval Office that Dick Cheney is working behind the big desk. And then off to the right there is a little collapsible card table where George has like airplanes and stuff. Then every once in a while he looks up and says, 'I've discovered that if I shut my eyes, I can disappear.
- Darrel Hammond
(The Weakest Link) is fascinating program. They ask a bunch of people questions and they keep getting rid of the dumbest person, so just the smartest person is left. It is kind of the opposite way we elect a president.
- Jay Leno
On Monday, President Bush wrote a letter offering his condolences to the wife of the missing Chinese fighter pilot. After Bush wrote the letter, it was quickly given to experts and then translated. Then it was translated into Chinese.
- Jimmy Fallon
President Bush said for security reasons, he's sworn off all e-mail communication. He will not be using email at the White House at all. Is that a good idea? I mean, it's not like that speaking thing was working out so good.
- Jay Leno
According to this week's Time magazine, President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works out 60 to 90 minutes a day with weights. Apparently he likes working out because it 'clears his mind.' Sometimes it works a little too well.
- Jay Leno
Maybe it's knocked his syntax straight.
- Cokie Roberts, on Bush banging his head on the door while boarding Marine One
Well, he got this new globe for Christmas.
- Bob Dole, dispelling rumors that George W. Bush lacks a grasp of foreign affairs
Today George W. Bush went to Florida. It is the first time that he has been there since the election, and he thanked all of the Florida voters for being so stupid.
- David Letterman
Those stories about my intellectual capacity do get under my skin. You know for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence briefing.'
- President Bush, on himself
Are you with the Chinese press? Your English is perfect. You speak better English than I do.
- George W. Bush, to a Chinese reporter
Self-deprecation is a good move, whether you're trying to get a date or run the country, because it's endearing and softens you and brings in the pity factor. But with Bush, you still have the feeling that he thinks he's the coolest guy in the frat.
- Michael Colton
Today George W. Bush went to Florida. It is the first time that he has been there since the election, and he thanked all of the Florida voters for being so stupid.
- David Letterman
President Bush's daughter Jenna bailed a boyfriend out of jail Sunday after he was arrested at a TCU fraternity party for public drunkenness. Her parents wept when they heard. It reminded them so much of their first date.
- Comedian Argus Hamilton
Today President Bush ordered an investigation into whether it is appropriate to have civilians with no experience running a Navy sub. Hey, how about an investigation into whether it's appropriate to have a civilian with no experience running the country?
- Jay Leno
George W. Bush is clearly the best thing to happen to political humorists since - well, since Bill Clinton.
- Daniel Kurtzman
George W. Bush is like a bad comic working the crowd, a moron, if you'll pardon the expression.
- Martin Sheen
The big story continues to be the shooting in the front of the White House. They've been investigating this gunman, and it seems the only time he has been in trouble was a traffic ticket in 1993. Basically, this is the first time in history that the president has a worse criminal record than the guy who was shooting at him.
- Jay Leno
Today the Secret Service said that at no time was President Bush ever in danger. In fact they said Bush didn't even hear the gunfire because he was sitting in his office popping bubble wrap all day.
- Jay Leno
They say that everyone in the White House was startled by the gunfire. Here is my question: how can you tell when George Bush is startled? Doesn't he always look that way?
- Jay Leno
Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?
- Jay Leno
If I wanted to see a bozo rant, make a fool of himself and try to impose his 17th-century philosophy on others, I'd just watch The O'Reilly Factor.
- Frank Fitzpatrick
Bush travels to Poland on Friday, where Polish people are fond of making George W. Bush jokes.
- Craig Kilborn
President Bush is back from Europe. He said that when he looked into the eyes of Vladimir Putin, he could see his soul. Wasn't this an old President Clinton pick-up line?
- David Letterman
Hundreds of protestors participated in protests outside the NATO meeting yesterday. The majority of the people were against Bush. It doesn't bother him though. The last time the majority of the people were against Bush he was elected president.
- Jay Leno
George W. Bush says that since he has been in the White House, he prays every day. I'm thinking, 'Hell, same goes for us.'
- David Letterman
Actually, Bush says being in Europe isn't much of an adjustment for him. In a lot of these countries they drink a lot and drive on the other side of the road, just like he used to do.
- Jay Leno
Bozo the Clown is retiring after 40 years. Well, with Bush in office, he can't really compete.
- Jay Leno
It was reported this week, that during a conversation with friends, Bill Clinton complemented President Bush, calling him 'far shrewder than many think' and a 'formidable politician.' Clinton then added, 'But remember, I'm a liar.'
- Tina Fey
George Bush attempted to taste the biscuit with his attention focused on a football game - a combination of actions that, it appears, proved difficult.
- Greek daily To Vima
When I see an American flag flying, it's a joke. This present government in America I just find disgusting, the idea that George Bush could run a baseball team successfully - he can't even speak! I just find him an embarrassment. I'd be very happy to stay in London. There's nothing in America that I would miss at all.
- Robert Altman
Mentally retarded are treated equally in Texas - some executed, some elected.
- Don Wright
You've been a drunk, a thief, a possible felon, an unconvicted deserter and a cry baby... for the sake of all that is decent and sacred take leave immediately and bring some honor to your all-important family name.
- Michael Moore
In this fight for our cherished freedoms, those cherished freedoms should definitely be the first thing to go. Sieg heil, y'all.
- Molly Ivins
Terrorism, unfortunately, is all too real. But so is one's terror of the Bush presidency.
- Robert Kuttner
Bush is unusually incurious, abnormally unintelligent, amazingly inarticulate, fantastically uncultured, extraordinarily uneducated, and apparently quite proud of all these things.
- Christopher Hitchens
George W. Bush is emptiness personified, formed of vacuous phrases to hide his life. He is a picture which the news media, blindfolded and foolish, never broke open. He is being completely handled. He delegates everything, including the fight for his political life. His daddy's team is fending for him.
- Jane Prettyman
In the Clinton administration we worried the president would open his zipper. In the Bush administration, they worry the president will open his mouth.
- James Carville
The Bush operation reminds me of North Korea. You have a group of insanely loyal, fiercely committed lunatics, devoting their lives to slavish devotion of a moron whose only claim to power is that his father used to run the country. George W. Bush is Kim Jong II with better hair.
- Paul Begala
Why is Junior so comfortable with being so ignorant?
- Paul Begala
You can just hear Jim Baker screaming at Austin : Just lock that idiot kid up on the ranch somewhere, we'll tell him what to say and when to say it. Every time he speaks, it looks like a damn hostage video Ollie North smuggled out of Tehran and every time he's under stress, he breaks out in a boil. He lost the election. We'll deliver him the White House.
- Paul Begala
It's simply impossible to take junior seriously. Whether it's his hostage-tape performances on television, his spurious and hypocritical legal claims, or his thuggish political tactics, Bush has pursued power in such a way as to prove himself unworthy of it.
- Paul Begala
Bush IS just like McDonald's : pre-packaged, filled with empty calories and controlled by corporate interests.
- Paul Begala
This is a guy who could not find oil in Texas.
- Al Franken
What is his accomplishment? That he's no longer an obnoxious drunk?
- Ron Reagan Jr.
Calling George Bush shallow is like calling a dwarf short.
- Molly Ivins
Here's a guy who never really did anything without the help of Daddy's contacts, the money from Daddy's friends, and now he's won, and he looks more than slightly bewildered.
- David Nyhan
Thanks Dad; whaddo I do now?
- David Nyhan
George Bush is in Europe and the mission while he's there -- the objective -- is to assure Europeans that he is competent. And I'm thinking, 'Wait a minute. What about assuring us first?
- David Letterman
Today is 'take your daughter to work day'. President Bush took his daughters to work and let them dismantle 12 environmental regulations
- David Letterman
Everybody is saying Condit knows more than he is saying. That's the great thing about President Bush. With George W. Bush, you never have to worry about that.
- David Letterman
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
- David Letterman
If George Bush was anymore retarded, he'd be on death row in Texas.
- Bill Maher
Did I mention that Bush is a lying bag of crap?
- Bill Maher
The SC has ruled out medical marijuana. First they installed Bush as President. Now they are refusing any help to reduce the pain and suffering of the public.
- Bill Maher
If George W. Bush is a reformer, I'm an astronaut!
- John McCain
President George W. Bush says he'll do whatever it takes to defend Taiwan, but first he said he needs to find out just where the hell Taiwan is! It's where most of his toys come from.
- Conan O' Brien
President Bush is in trouble. His approval rating has never been lower. Bush says that he hasn't seen numbers this low since he took his SATs.
- Conan O' Brien
Bush and company give the unfortunate impression of glee at the thought of an economic downturn, as if it were a lucky break. It's like a child hoping to be sick so he can take that yummy medicine.
- Mike Kinsley
I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country, which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache.
- Jack Mayberry
Everyone knows the man has no clue, but no one there has the courage to say it. I mean, good gawd, the man is as he always has been : barely adequate.
- Jon Stewart
Bush : "I ask you to pray for this country.
Jon Stewart : "We are way ahead of you, Mr. President."
- Jon Stewart
Bush is the kind of businessman that can create a multi-million dollar company - just so long as someone gives him a multi-billion dollar company.
- Brian Sweat
I'm not sure he really understands a lot of issues. He seems to be given his lines by other people.
- Sting
This Monday President Bush will be celebrating his 100th day in office. When asked about it, Bush said, 'Gosh, 100 days? Has it been a year already?'
- Jay Leno
He seems to be an idiot.
- George Carlin
I have been disappointed in almost everything he has done.
- Jimmy Carter
Jenna Bush was caught trying to buy a drink in Austin with a fake ID. It's her second alcohol incident in a month. She must be extra careful from now on, because under federal law, it's Three Strikes and You're President.
- Argus Hamilton
President Bush threw out the first pitch last night at the World Series. He was wearing a firefighters jacket. Now think about this, he's throwing out the first pitch, wearing a firefighters jacket, and he's the president of the United States. He is living every 8-year-old's dream!
- Jay Leno
Bush was not elected president, but appointed and therefore why should the US bitch about Cuba not holding free elections?
- Fidel Castro
President Bush was in South Dakota today. There was an awkward moment at Mount Rushmore when President Bush said, "Hey, look, it's those guys on the money!"
- Conan O'Brien
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Funny stuff. 
