 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hey mate what's that animal lying in the road?
Oh that's Kippy.
Kippy?
Yeah mate - Kippy, the bushed kangaroo.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I still haven't decided where to go for Easter.The living room or the kitchen.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
An hilarious joke from my youth.If you remember the quite famous as campaign,you may find it funny-
What has a hazel nut in every bite?
Squirrel shit. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
- I say, I say, which hotel is the submarine crew staying at?
- Why, Conning Towers, of course!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Why don't Ants ever get sick?
Because they have tiny little Anty Bodies..
|
|
|
|
|
|
A guy carrying a bag of classic French novels that he had just bought jumped quickly into the back seat of the taxicab causing the copy of Le Père Goriot to fall out onto the cab floor.
"Oh, my Balzac!" the man exclaimed.
"Sorry about that," the taxi driver said. "Been meaning to get softer seat cushions back there."
|
|
|
|
|
|
A guy carrying a bag of classic French novels that he had just bought jumped quickly into the back seat of the taxicab causing the copy of Le Père Goriot to fall out onto the cab floor.
"Oh, my Balzac!" the man exclaimed.
"Sorry about that," the taxi driver said. "Been meaning to get softer seat cushions back there."
I was expecting this to be over my head but it wasn't. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Posted: |
Nov 13, 2020 - 9:57 AM
|
|
|
|
By: |
jackfu
(Member)
|
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat, closed his eyes and began to doze.
As the plane rolled out on the tarmac, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:“Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the plane. Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with ‘that Kevin from the accounting office’. It was with the boss. No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!” Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, “Sue, hang up the d*mned phone and come back to bed!” Sue doesn’t use her cell phone in public any more.
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.” The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?” The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?" To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, let’s look for yours.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"Im staying up new year's eve - not to see the new year in but to make sure this one leaves! "
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A man goes to a costume party with his girlfriend on his back, piggy-back style. The host comes up to him and asks, "What are you supposed to be?" The man says, "A snail." The still-dumbfounded host then says, "But who's that girl on your back supposed to be?" The man answers, "That's Michelle."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Posted: |
Feb 3, 2021 - 6:57 AM
|
|
|
|
By: |
jackfu
(Member)
|
A very ill-tempered woman about to enter her senior years was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away.
She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process. When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store. The lady defiantly replied, Just a stupid can of peaches.
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash or my credit card to the store. The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied in a nasty tone, Nine! But, at this point in time, what difference does that make to you?
The judge answered patiently, Well, ma’am, because I’m going to give you nine days in jail one day for each peach.
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady’s long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, Yes sir, what do you have to add?
The husband said meekly Your Honor, she also stole four cans of peas.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
