What should you say if you spy a man at the park and want to learn if he is "film music curious"?
How about "You know there are times when there's a skunk smell here in the park. But I try to live through it by saying to myself, 'Well, it could be worse. It could have been several skunks that sprayed their scent. Then there would have been more odor.'"
You're at a PTA (Parent-Teacher Association) meeting. You spot one of the other fathers that you recognize, from the local museum screening of old comedy films. You remember that HE showed up ONLY to the ones with scores by a certain composer.
You approach him, and strike up a convo about the kids. But you quickly become gossipy, and admit the following:
"My friend Dorothy and her ex-husband John always disagreed about keeping the bathrooms clean in their house. She wanted him to use only the one bathroom on the first floor, but he sometimes used the one in the basement, because he didn't want to climb the stairs."
And as you say the following, you watch carefully for fluctuation of the pupil/involuntary dilation of the iris:
"It got so whenever he was out of the room, she would mutter to guests, in a peeved voice, 'I wonder which john william's using!'"
Well, once again, you're casing some gent you've seen at the local vintage LP store, someone you THINK you saw looking wistful in the section where soundtracks used to be. He shows up at the local boozer and you strike up a drunken conversation with him, and steer the talk towards:
"You know these companies are getting out of hand, trying to think they're giving us new things, when really, they're not. They give them new names, but really it's all the same thing.
Why just the other day I saw my friend Dorothy's granddaughter playing with her crayons. I looked at them and do you know that they called the colors? Names like "Dangerous White" and "Awkward Orange." Isn't that just plain weird?
Why I even saw one called 'Earnest Gold.' What in the world is THAT supposed to mean??"
—It's a pastiche of the Pantone colour matching system used by print designers. (I'm afraid about 70% of the people referenced on there are very British but hopefully you'll recognise a few.)
You spot the fellow in a movie theater next to you staying for the end credits just like you are doing. "Hmmm," you think, "I wonder if he's...."
How do you signal to him that YOU are? Well, you can keep your hands folded in your lap, and discreetly air-conduct the end title music with your pinky.
You spot the fellow in a movie theater next to you staying for the end credits just like you are doing. "Hmmm," you think, "I wonder if he's...."
How do you signal to him that YOU are? Well, you can keep your hands folded in your lap, and discreetly air-conduct the end title music with your pinky.
Next dinner party you go to, where there might be one of "our kind" in attendance, try bringing up this topic.
"There's a seller at the local farmer's market who has cross-bred some fruits. He tells me he's going to bring out some delicious new berries in the spring, one of which he's called a Jonberry."
If one of your fellow diners drops his fork, you know you found one of us!
"I have these two friends who are now a couple. And wouldn't you know, when they moved in together and got out their monogrammed towels, it turns out they didn't have to buy new ones.
Why? Because they have the same initials! Frank S. Martin married Fellazzo Scicolone-Magnani! Even their dogs, Fido, Spot and Marmaduke make up the same 3 letters.
The SAME THREE LETTERS. What are the odds??"
Then, watch as the people in the room put together the letters, and check to see if one of them "clutches the pearls."
"So I'm standing in line at the grocery store and I see this tabloid newspaper. Big headline. It's about that puppet thing, the one that's on all the YouTubes, doing wacky stunts.
And it's about an incident that never made it onto the internet. The puppet thing, Elmer, tries to make toasted marshmallows using a cigarette lighter and toothpicks. His assistant, a 14-year-old girl, is the one, though, who gets injured!
And while there you could mention to one of your colleagues....
"My twin nephews are both going to a Halloween together, and Douglas wanted to dress as twin Tarzans. But David said 'You mean UNdress as Tarzan!', and said he'd only go as twin 'anything else!'
You see Douglas doesn't have a problem taking his shirt off. But David does. He's more easily embarrassed than his brother. In fact, in almost every way, David's shy-er."
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