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One penguin walks over to another penguin and starts laughing.
"Hee, hee! You look like you're wearing a tuxedo!"
The other one says calmly, "Who says I'm not?"
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I once dated a man so cheap....
He tossed around nickels like they was manhole covers.
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Posted: |
Sep 19, 2008 - 11:55 PM
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By: |
Tall Guy
(Member)
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The Lone Ranger's captured by some bad guys, who (for reasons best explained as being required for this joke to work) tell him that they're going to kill him in three days time, and on each day he can have one request.
On the first evening, his request is to talk to his horse, and he whispers something in Silver's ear. The horse takes off, only to return a couple of hours later with a beautiful girl on his back, who stays the night with the Lone Ranger in his tent.
The next evening, the same request. He whispers something to Silver, who takes off and returns two hours later with an even more stunning girl, who also kips down with the Lone Ranger in his tent.
By the third evening, the bad guys know what to expect, and sure enough the Lone Ranger's request is to speak to his horse. This time, he goes up to Silver, grabs his head roughly, pulls his ear to his mouth and whispers:
"For the last time, you stupid horse, BRING POSSEE"
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Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn 't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.. "I sure do, " he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.
"Wow! " said his friend, "where did you get that monster. "
"I got it from my genie. "
"You have a genie? " he asked.
"Yes, he 's right here in my pocket. "
"Could I see him? "
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie. The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish? "
"Yes I will," the genie said. So he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.
About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere.
The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!
"He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic? "
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The soup I made for my lunches yesterday turned out blech. Work was dull today and the bus driver was a jerk to me on the way home.
Please post something to cheer me up, friends.
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Thank you, Ed and Oct for making me smile!
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