That girl I've been seeing told me that Vodkabreath(That's my nickname for the BIG woman who's scared of thunderstorms. Her real name is something like Vikandodavick.) called down to the rental office last week, and said the following: We're in a drought situation and, I'm not naming names but YOU KNOW who I'm talking about(Meaning ME!)I don't think he should be watering his flowers when we're in an extreme situation. The girl told her that she would mention it to the landlord. when she told the landlord, he just rolled his eyes, shook his head and walked into his office and closed the door. Vodkabreath doesn't realise that HE is the one who wanted me to plant the flowers int he first place!
JIM CLEVELAND: Your LANDLORD told you to plant the flowers and Vodkabreath is complaining that you water them? Did you see DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS?.....I hope that's SALT water you're watering them with.
JIM CLEVELAND: Is THAT the way you talk to your landlord and girlfriend? No wonder your landlord and girlfriend treat you like a social pariah. Have you considered enlisting the aid of Ensign Hoshi, the Enterprise translator? She could help you in your dealings with your landlord and girlfriend. Have you seen COOL HAND LUKE?....."What we have here is a failure to communicate".....Is "ROFLMFHO" the result of talking with too many boiled eggs in your mouth?.
JIM CLEVELAND: I make YOU laugh?.....You are are the Rodney Dangerfield of FSM. Hey...I don't get no respect! Why just the other day, my kid put Super Glue in my Preparation-H! I tell ya... I was so ugly that when I was born, the doctor slapped my MOTHER! No respect I tell ya norespect..... when I was born, my mother took one look at me and said, "Hey Doc, are you SURE birth control isn't retroactive?"
It's rare when someone gives me a sincere laugh and I appreciate it!