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 Posted:   May 14, 2009 - 9:31 PM   
 By:   Steve Johnson   (Member)

A 13 year old boy comes home and confesses to his Mom that he had sex with his math teacher that day. His mother is livid. "Just wait til your Dad gets home! Go to your room, NOW!"
So the kid goes into exile awaiting his punishment.
Dad comes home and his wife breaks the news. Dad says, "I'll handle this." and goes to junior's room. "Is this true?". he asks.
"Yup, Dad, it happened."
His father gets a huge shit eating grin, stands up, high fives his son and says, "My little Man! I couldn't be more proud of you if I tried! After dinner, we are going to go out and buy you the greatest bicycle of your dreams!"

All is swell.

Dad comes home the next evening and notices that the bike is still in the garage as it was left the night before. Puzzled, he goes to junior's room and asks why he didnt't take it to school.

Junior replies, "Gee, Dad, my ass still hurts!"
big grin

 
 Posted:   May 14, 2009 - 11:09 PM   
 By:   Storyteller   (Member)

Um, yeah... pedophiliac rape is always so funny.

 
 Posted:   May 15, 2009 - 1:43 AM   
 By:   scorechaser   (Member)

What else do you expect from StevenJ...

 
 Posted:   May 15, 2009 - 4:02 PM   
 By:   Misanthropic Tendencies   (Member)

Heard that joke years ago.

Here's a two part joke for you guys:-

Who's the most popular guy in the nudist colony?

The one who can carry two cups of tea and twelve ring donuts.

Who's the most popular woman in the nudist colony?

The one who can eat the last donut...

 
 Posted:   May 15, 2009 - 4:07 PM   
 By:   workingwithknives   (Member)

smile

(Q) Whatta get when you cross a penis with a potato?

(A) A dick 'tater!

 
 Posted:   May 15, 2009 - 5:51 PM   
 By:   Steve Johnson   (Member)

How about the one about the kid who goes to the police station, beside himself with fear, balling his head off? The cop behind the desk calms him down and finally gets the lad to tell him what's wrong. "My parents are going to leave me behind! They're going someplace without me!"
The cop asks him what gave him this notion.
"I was walking past their bedroom this morning and the door was shut. I heard all this commotion and finally daddy yelled, "I'm pulling out!" and mommy screamed, "I'm coming, too!"

 
 Posted:   May 16, 2009 - 12:20 AM   
 By:   Misanthropic Tendencies   (Member)

Two nuns in the bath. One says 'where's the soap?' and the other replies 'yes it does, doesn't it?'

Two nuns in a car and a vampire lands on the bonnet (hood). One nun says to the other 'show him your cross!' and the other leans out the window and yells 'get off my f***ing car!!!!'

 
 Posted:   May 16, 2009 - 12:46 AM   
 By:   Sarge   (Member)

Two cannibals are in the jungle eating a clown.

One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

 
 
 Posted:   May 16, 2009 - 1:01 AM   
 By:   Tobias   (Member)

Someone sent this to me:

A man who had been to jail for 15 years managed to escape. He finds a house where he breaks in because he needed some money and weapon.

He finds a young couple in the bed. He orders the man to step up from the bed and he put the man on a chair and ties a rope around the man.

After that he kisses the girl on her neck while he ties her too. Right after that he goes straight out the bedroom into the bathroom.

While he`s in the bathroom the man says to his wife: "This is an escaped convict, look on his clothes he must have been in prison for a long time and because of that he might not seen a woman in a long time. I saw him kiss you. So if he wants sex just do it, make him satisfied don`t matter how much he hurts you. He`s probably so dangerous he will kill us if he doesn`t get what he wants. Be strong my darling. I love you.

Right after that the wife answers her husband: He did not kiss me, he whispered that he is a gay and he thought you looks very pretty so he wondered where the vaseline is in the bathroom. Be strong my darling, I love you too.

 
 Posted:   May 16, 2009 - 7:41 AM   
 By:   Misanthropic Tendencies   (Member)

Man shouts to his wife 'Cum look at my clock'. His wife walks in to find hubby naked with a hard on. Wife says 'that's not a clock'. Hubby replies 'Will be when you put two hands and a face on it!'...

 
 
 Posted:   May 16, 2009 - 9:02 AM   
 By:   Thor   (Member)

Man shouts to his wife 'Cum look at my clock'. His wife walks in to find hubby naked with a hard on. Wife says 'that's not a clock'. Hubby replies 'Will be when you put two hands and a face on it!'...

Hmmm...I thought the joke would be more along the line of someone inserting an "L" where it's not supposed to be (which is itself a joke, I guess).

 
 Posted:   May 16, 2009 - 4:17 PM   
 By:   Eric Paddon   (Member)

The cannibal was hoping to feast on the entire complement of soldiers in Napoleon's army but all he got stuck with was the Bonaparte.

 
 Posted:   May 17, 2009 - 1:31 AM   
 By:   Misanthropic Tendencies   (Member)

Did you hear about the vegetarian cannibals? They only ate swedes...

 
 
 Posted:   May 17, 2009 - 2:07 AM   
 By:   Tobias   (Member)

Did you hear about the vegetarian cannibals? They only ate swedes...

Hahahaha. Are you sure? Some people from around the world and especially americans have trouble to know which is which between Sweden and Switzerland.

 
 Posted:   May 17, 2009 - 9:54 AM   
 By:   WILLIAMDMCCRUM   (Member)

Some people from around the world and especially americans have trouble to know which is which between Sweden and Switzerland.

I have trouble with Swedes and turnips. Swedes are a bit yellow, and turnips more orangey.

 
 Posted:   May 18, 2009 - 9:15 AM   
 By:   workingwithknives   (Member)

smile

(Q) Why did the rubber cross the street?

(A) It got pissed off.

 
 Posted:   May 19, 2009 - 11:32 AM   
 By:   Josh   (Member)

A woman goes to the doctor and on her head there is a frog. The doctor asks, "Can I help you?"
The frog answers, "I sure hope so. I've had this thing stuck to my ass for two days now."

 
 
 Posted:   May 19, 2009 - 5:24 PM   
 By:   Eugene Iemola   (Member)

Q. What's smaller than a teeny-weeny ant?



A. An ant's teeny weenie.

 
 Posted:   May 19, 2009 - 9:17 PM   
 By:   Steve Johnson   (Member)

The English teacher asks the class if any of them can define the word "Indefinitly"

Little Johnny waves his hand so long and enthusiastcally that the teacher says, "Alright, Johnny, please share with the class".

Little Johhny stands up smiling and says,

INDEFINITLY- "when your balls are slapping her ass, you're INDEFINITLY! big grin

 
 Posted:   May 19, 2009 - 9:28 PM   
 By:   David Sones (Allardyce)   (Member)

Why can't dogs dance?

Two left feet.

 
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