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Posted: |
Jul 1, 2009 - 7:36 AM
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By: |
ScottDS
(Member)
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...and I have a bad feeling about it. 
When I lived in LA, I worked as an extra on TV for a month or so in between temp jobs. I had a blast! It's just a shame I can't live on the pay (it's basically minimum wage for 8 hours, but the overtime is good and the catering can be great).
I was an extra on an Entourage episode titled, "Return of the King." During lunch, I struck up a conversation with this girl. She seemed nice. In between setups, we talked and I found out we had some common interests. She's also a big geek and an anime fan (every girl I've ever liked has been into anime - I don't get it!). She's also attractive, with some good curves (she's not some starving model).
We went out a few times, mostly to the movies and to eat. I hung out at her place a few times; I refused to invite her over to my place (messy roommates). I mentioned to her that I liked her and she sort of sheepishly said she didn't like me like that and that she was interested in someone else (she didn't elaborate and I have no reason to believe she's seen this person in the few years since I moved back to Florida).
She ended up moving back to Texas (she's Persian but considers Texas her home). We kept in touch and I decided to fly to Dallas to see her over this 4th of July weekend. I need a vacation anyway and it'd be nice to go to Texas and actually leave the airport!
I'm going to tell her how I feel and I'm going to go out on a limb and say she feels the same way. Why do I think that? She calls me. I'm usually oblivious to this but she has the most subtle flirtatious manner in her voice. Whenever she says "Bye, Scott" I can tell from her voice she's smiling. I don't think she's trying to be manipulative; I really think she doesn't know what effect her phone calls have. If you're a girl and you know this guy likes you, would you continue to call him and ask him for advice, pay him compliments, say things like "You'll fly to Dallas and we'll watch movies and I'll show you around!", etc.?
Or have I officially been banished to the dreaded "friend zone"? Well, guess what... as much as I'd like to keep her around, the last thing I need is another platonic female friend. So when I say I have a bad feeling about this weekend, it means this: if she in fact has NO romantic feelings for me, I'm really tempted to terminate the friendship. I don't want to leave her in tears but what's the point?
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Sir Scott, sometimes our instincts are way, way off base. In this case, I think your friend may indeed want nothing more than what she stated. Sometimes people are just lonely or need an ear or someone to relate to on a basic level. I wouldn't expect anything more than that from her. If you really want to be sure, then just ask her again. "Hey, are you sending me signals or am I misreading?" Make her be up front about it rather than coy, otherwise you could end up with exactly what you don't want or need...
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always difficult these things...
just go and have a great time. be sweet and funny, and yourself.
perhaps, try to leave a letter or poem for her to find, for when you've left, and wait to how she reacts...
you never know...
(my gut instincts were always wrong when it concerned woman. luckily I've found HER now, and don't have to worry about that anymore!)
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Dude, save the money on a plane ticket, and invest it in finding women who are available, and truly interested. I've been in your shoes. And it sounds like you should put your energy and funds elsewhere- probably into scalping a ticket to Comicon and trying to find someone there in between having a good time.
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Posted: |
Jul 1, 2009 - 7:09 PM
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By: |
Cryogenix
(Member)
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Sounds like you might be seeing and hearing things in her that aren't there. I've dated enough women (and not "gotten" a few who were friends) to know that when a woman says she doesn't feel that way about a guy, she means it. Now, that's not to say that, at some point, if you both hang around together long enough and you dont pressure her (don't express the least bit of romantic interest in her) that something won't happen and she'll see suddenly see you as boyfriend material. It happens. You could also go down the FWB road (her call - that is, you want her to THINK it's her call), but usually that only happens if she's not already dating someone, and you're the one who ends up taking her home after a night of drinking and dancing, and she's feeling horny and wants you to give her a good pounding.
In your particular case, it's long distance, plus she's more or less said she just wants to be friends? I'd say it's a lost cause. If you still plan to go through with it and see her, don't reveal your feelings. Seriously, it'll get you nowhere and you'll just seem needy and undesirable. Just do the friends things, make light of stuff and be a bit aloof and nonchalant, and if she has any interest in you, you'll know it for sure, without having to guess. That is, unless you really suck at reading signs and/or are just so desperate for someone that everything they say and do you take as a sign that they like you.
Remember that the easiest way to get a woman (if she has any romantic interest in you at all - OR hasn't decided either way yet) is to ignore her and just be a friend. You CAN be a flirty friend, if you want to and engage in some light, harmless banter - just don't have a look of puppy love in your eyes or look very serious. I've sometimes smacked/squeezed the asses of friends or suddenly grabbed them and playfully nibbled on their ears or pretended to give them a passionate hickey on their neck, etc, and would follow it up with a lighthearted and/or sincere remark. Even saying, "Sorry. Couldn't resist," and then walking away leaving her wondering has worked for laying the groundwork for relationships or just sex. Smack her ass and keep on walking by. She might say, "Why'd you do that?" You simply say, "Because it was there." Whatever you do has to be done under the guise of innocent, non-sexual, non-romantic fun. You're just messing around, as a friend. If she thinks you really like her "that way," you're finished.
Good luck.
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When you told her you liked her, that was a pleasure-hit for her ego. She might still be flirting with you just to keep that good feeling coming.
Also, you mentioned she's Persian. Is there any danger that her father or brothers will kill you? That's no joke.
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I find this area of emotion the trickiest thing about life. To interact constantly with someone you really like, but can't share your feelings for (because you don't sense attraction on her part, and don't want to scare her with your own attraction) is something that I know too well. Let me say that I feel for you, mate.
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Posted: |
Jul 2, 2009 - 7:27 AM
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By: |
Cryogenix
(Member)
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If you want to play it safe and be the nice guy, it'll get you nowhere. I'm not saying to randomly go by a woman and smack her ass. If you're friends with someone who's not seeing anyone, you can get away with it if you do it right and the timing's right and your personality is right. It feels rather forbidden to her, it's spontaneous, exciting, etc. She's not going to slap you or sue you like some uptight, prudish people in this world might lead you to believe.
And to touch on what someone else said, she might simply be using you to boost her low self-esteem. She wants to see how far you're willing to go, how much she can manipulate you, how much attention she can garner from you, etc.
Everything is about timing and conviction. If you do anything half-assed or half-heartedly, it won't be convincing and she won't buy it. And, if the timing is wrong, you don't stand a chance, no matter what you do. "Be the man" and step up and trust your "manly" instincts, not your sensitive ones. If you feel strongly about kissing her, then grab her, pull her into you or press her against a wall, and kiss her passionately. The worst thing that can happen is she pulls away or maybe slaps you. The best thing, she kisses you back. There's a reason why women "want a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it." They want men, not boys. Never ask for a kiss or ask if it's the right time. Just do it! Sensitivity comes into play once you've gotten her, or if someone dies and she'll love to console you. Before that point, being all mushy and gushy (unless you're a 6th-grader) is going to make you look like an emotional wuss. And don't take any advice from any woman on this board or elsewhere, because woman most often say things that go completely contrary to their ultimate actions. Women don't really know what they want, but they truly think they do. That's why they're so confusing and complex to understand. They're a walking, talking contradiction in the area of romance.
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