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ALAN FIVEHOUSE DIALOG CLASSIC:
From THE FIVEHOUSE FIVE, episode 71, CONSTABLES AND CONSTIPATION:
"...Looks like he took a slug to the pump, now....What a way to go. There's no dignity in it. The world has gone insanely mad and there is nothing left but Psychiatrists and terrible Chinese food..."
Inspector Peter Grissard (David Thewlis)
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ALAN FIVEHOUSE DIALOG CLASSIC:
From THE FIVEHOUSE FIVE, episode 71, CONSTABLES AND CONSTIPATION:
"...Looks like he took a slug to the pump, now....What a way to go. There's no dignity in it. The world has gone insanely mad and there is nothing left but Psychiatrists and terrible Chinese food..."
Inspector Peter Grissard (David Thewlis)
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I have only vague memories of Fivehouse. I (again, vaguely) remember reading (in the TV Times, maybe) that Loftybeck at first considered christening his creation Alain rather than Alan. Can anyone confirm this?
You are absolutely correct. In fact, during the Mike Douglas interview in 1979, Douglas slips several times and refers to the film as ALAIN FIVEHOUSE.
Funny.
MaxB
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SUSANNAH YORK on REVENGE OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE:
"..I was quite uncomfortable shooting the scene where Caroline plunges into the Thames. I remember that it was quite cold when we shot it and Lewis [Teague] was concerned with my safety. They decided to use a stunt double, but it turned out to be a man! (Laughs)..I have never had a male stunt double before, but he looked just like me.."
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LOFTYBECK on Ms. York's comment:
"This situation was so clear in my mind. In a brief moment of frivolity, I thought I might suggest renaming the piece: "FIVEHOUSE lands in the DOGHOUSE"
As exhibited by LOFTYBECK'S continued predisposition for indifferent irreverance.
MaxB
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I used to pretend that the MEGO Klingon action figure was really Alan Fivehouse. Needless to say, this ten-year old, would-be detective learned to run really fast, or he got his ass kicked.
http://www.emcetoys.com/images/klingon_big.jpg
I had that "KLINGON" figure. It was really bad. I remember that I used the put them in action scenarios, playing around. I think I wound up using a propane blow torch on the "KLINGON'S" head and pretended he suffered from radiation exposure.
MaxB
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JERRY GOLDSMITH on the ALAN FIVEHOUSE mask.
"...I thought we'd get a rise out of Lonsdale with the FIVEHOUSE mask. Most of the crew had already lambasted him as being such a hard-ass, but he turned out to have a great sense of humor about it. We became friends after that stunt...(Laughs).."
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FRED LOFTYBECK comments to PAUL WUNDER, host of WBAI Radio (New York) weekly show SOUNDTRACK in December 1998 about the death of the film franchise..
"...Well, Paul, after the WHO WEEPS FOR ALAN FIVEHOUSE? fiasco, I had enough of the series. Fox wasn't enthusiastic about doing another one, so when I failed at shopping around the script for THE DEATH OF ALAN FIVEHOUSE, I gave up. Nobody cared anymore! It was like, FIVEHOUSE died without a frame being shot..."
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I ran across an article in a 1997 issue of Starlog, when they talked about SF movies that British producer Peter Wallingford had produced. When asked about his future plans, I was surprised to read he was working on a Fivehouse revival called “Welcome Back, Alan Fivehouse.” Here’s an excerpt:
“Now we’ve begun production of a new Alan Fivehouse adventure. He’s been in retirement for too long. Actually, it’s more of a restart to the series, much like the Bond films tend to go back to younger actors after a few films. Hugh Grant is playing Fivehouse and, while he was a controversial choice, he’s perfect in the role. He carries the ironic quips beautifully.
The script is the best I’ve seen, I feel as if we’ve tapped a genius to be in Akiva Goldsman. He’s working on the [New Line] Lost in Space movie, which is guaranteed to be a winner. [Clear and Present Danger] director Phillip Noyce is really digging in. This will be an adventure unlike any previous Fivehouse film. Big budget, big stars, lots of twists.”
Of course, we all know the film never got made. Instead, the 1995 direct to video quickie “Fivehouse: 2100”, was all the fan base had until the recent remake. Directed by Albert Pyun, the sci-fi / mystery was a disaster. It was shot on the streets of Ontario, in and around an abandoned construction site. One of the most famous tales of this production was how the film crew was chased off the construction location after a company bought the property and began demolition. Pyun found another location, which looked nothing like the original. With no further money to shoot bridging scenes, dialog was looped with Fivehouse saying “every time I come here, it looks different to me.” As Fivehouse, newcomer (and goner since he has no additional films to his credit) Angus Popp came across like a lead weight, with a funeral delivery. Only a rousing performance by Ernest Borgnine gives the film any juice. Unfortunately, his character vanishes midway through the film, thanks again to 21st Century Films simply running out of money.
The latest Fivehouse film didn’t pass muster in America, but it gained great cult status in the UK, where a new film is being considered. Alan Fivehouse lives on.
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FRED LOFTYBECK from a 1998 London Times article on WELCOME BACK, ALAN FIVEHOUSE.
"...The most bizarre pitch that I've ever heard. Since I retained the complete rights, any production involving a US or UK crew would have to go through me for approval. Well, these Canadians, (Pauses, Laughs), this wacky Canadian crew from Ontario began production thinking that they didn't need authorisation from me. Well, they were all set to start shooting with Hugh Grant as Fivehouse when the court injunction kicked in. They stopped production immediately and crews lingered around on set for about 3 weeks before the plug was pulled. The production company went bankrupt, and, as a result, hundreds of cast and crew were never paid, including screenwriter Akiva Goldsman. Ironically, Goldsman and I were at a Writer's Guild meeting later that year and had a laugh about the whole deal over a steak..."
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I'm surprised you haven't mentioned anything about the partially-filmed-then-abandoned FIVEHOUSE musical, Max. You must have that old Castle of Frankenstein article on it in your boxes of Fivehouse stuff? As I recall, this abandonment was unusual in that they filmed ALL the musical numbers and then bailed, without filming more than seven minutes of the non-musical numbers?
NEW YORK TIMES ARTS AND LEISURE SECTION
JANUARY 17, 1998
THREE CHEERS FOR FIVEHOUSE –ALMOST!
Sydney Feldman,
Arts & Leisure Contributing Editor
Old movies die hard (no pun intended). However, some movies that should have died only come back as an off-Broadway musical? Well, not exactly.
Last year, we reported to you that New-Line Cinema resurrected the defunct Fox ALAN FIVEHOUSE franchise via movie-musical in a one-film deal with Frederick Loftybeck, writer and creator of the phenomenon. Well, there was trouble in paradise as the plug was recently pulled on a production with roughly three-quarters of the film completed.
I spoke with Loftybeck while lunching last week at Kaplan’s delicatessen on 59th street. Loftybeck was rather cranky when I asked him what happened. “What a waste of time. All of that negotiating and money that was spent by the producers. What a shame,” quipped Loftybeck.
ALAN FIVEHOUSE AND THE CASTLE OF FRANKENSTEIN was supposed to be a movie-musical version of the vaunted British detective series. With lavish set pieces and wild musical numbers, this Fivehouse romp was an attempt to bring a fresh perspective to the once successful movie suspense drama. “They [the producers] pretty much took all of my Fivehouse ideas and rolled it up into a musical. It was….unfathomable,” as Loftybeck laughed while enjoying a pastrami sandwich with Russian dressing. “I think this sandwich has a better chance than the [latest Fivehouse] effort.”
All of the musical numbers had been filmed, with only the dramatic live-action dialogue scenes left to be completed. New-Line apparently was so displeased with the results that the production was canceled on the twenty-two million dollar Rob Marshall film. No word yet on whether or not another studio will bid in an effort to complete this opus.
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JAMES FRANCISCUS on the appeal of ALAN FIVEHOUSE:
"...It's a quirky story, much like it's creator (laughs). The great dilemma was how to approach this film. Do you do it seriously, with virtual deadpan delivery? Do you execute it with complete camp? Or do you mix it up a little? Thankfully, we kept it rather ambiguous, leaving the audience to decide whether or not it's camp or serious drama..."
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ANTHONY HOPKINS on his guest appearance in THE FIVEHOUSE FIVE, Episode 103 - Stalagtites and Cerebum.
"...It was a joy to share a scene with the legendary Inspector Fivehouse himself, Michael Lonsdale. A consummate professional with an ecclectic sense of humor, he showed up for a climactic two-shot delivering one of his signature one-liners with nothing more than a suit jacket, shirt, tie, Suppo socks and boxer briefs. I couldn't stop laughing when he delivered the pivotal monologue. We had to shoot that in about 8 takes..."
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