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Some office job bosses ive had, these lines wouldve been perfect!
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Just insert the name of a fellow office employee for the movie character's name... You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener! ("Planes, Trains and Automobiles") And just change "your" to "that", which could refer to an office manual or something office related... I read your book, you magnificent bastard! ("Patton") And there's so many from "Office Space" PC load letter! What the fuck does that mean? Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people? Some variation of this whole exchange: Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. Bob Porter: Don't... don't care? Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now. Bob Slydell: I beg your pardon? Peter Gibbons: Eight bosses. Bob Slydell: Eight? Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired. But I got to cheat with one from television and it will be obvious why... Thee, ah, subject of the memo is: Dress Codes. In order to promote a more work-friendly environment, female employees will be required to raise the hem of theirs skirts to an attractive level. All portly and matronly women disregard this notice. ("Vengeance Unlimited")
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Posted: |
Oct 7, 2015 - 5:33 AM
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By: |
ScottDS
(Member)
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"Bitches leave." - RoboCop "Double dumb-ass on you!" - Star Trek IV [knock on door] "Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off!" - The Thick of It "You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole." "How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?" "You are the vulgarian, you fuck!" - A Fish Called Wanda
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It was the corner stone of the Schwarzenegger skits during the 90s Conan shows. Conan: "H isn't a number" Arnold: "You're not a number" D.S. "Conan, Conan, have you see my new movie?" "No, what's that?" "JINGLEALLTHEEWAY!!!"
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Both eastwood. "A man should know his limitations." Looking ugly woman up and down in Sudden impact "...Only with humans!"
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[In a telephone booth with the door closed] Raymond: Uh oh fart. Uh oh fart. Charlie: Did you fart, Ray? Did you fucking fart? Raymond: Fart. Charlie: [Trying unsuccessfully to open the door] How can you stand that? Raymond: I don't mind it. Charlie: How can you stand it? Raymond: Ten minutes to Wapner. We're definitely locked in this box with no TV.
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