If you’ve visited the FSM boards here, there may be times when you will run across a phrase or the use of a word that may be unfamiliar to you in the context of a post. As a guide to help those who are infrequent visitors or newbies to the boards, I’ve compiled a short list of some of the perhaps more perplexing phrases…

Bottle Cap - Attributed to the late Jerry Goldsmith who commented on the sometimes fanatical desire of his fans to want to own every single thing he did. He stated that some of his scores were not necessarily worthy of album releases or really listenable to as stand alone experiences, but some fans clamor for them all the same. He likened the practice to collecting Bottle Caps. It has come to mean collecting a score, for the sake of collecting regardless of the merits of the score or whether the collector actually likes the music or not. Bottle cap collecting is generally a practice of Completists, a name given to those who want and collect everything from a composer’s output. Although the term Bottle Cap is used regularly in reference to Goldsmith’s scores because of the origins of the term, it has since been applied to other composer's scores as well. Not necessarily a derogatory term, but it can be used as such. Bottle Cap collectors have been known to adopt graven images such as the white ponytail and worship at the altar of composer X.

 

Watermelon - At this year’s FSM weekend event, host Lukas Kendall regaled the crowd with an anecdote from the previous year’s FSM event in which film music industry giant Richard Kraft asked what was up with a certain FSM board member who repeatedly posted that he was not going to buy a release in thread after thread of release announcements. His analogy about this practice (quoting Lukas): “It would be as if you walked into the produce section at Ralph’s and you held up a watermelon and said [yelling while holding an imaginary watermelon over his head] I’M NOT BUYING THIS WATERMELON!" This represents a fairly non-productive comment (especially when repeated at every turn) about new releases that in general adds nothing more to the discussion than calling attention to itself and the person saying it. Sometimes used as flame bait (usually to antagonize fans of the composer) or to take pot shots at the score labels.

 

Examples of “watermelons”:

1) I like composer xxxxx’s work, but I think I’ll pass (especially without explanation of why).

2) Phew, I’m saving money on this one.

3) I’ll leave my copy for someone else who really wants one.

4) No way I’m buying this piece of s**t.

 

Holy Grail - This term’s origin comes from the name given to the drinking vessel used by Jesus Christ at the last supper and is the object of an epic search by the Knights of the Holy Grail in Arthurian legend. It has since come to have a more general meaning that represents something of great importance that has been lost or thought nearly unobtainable and is vigorously sought after. In the film score world it refers to those scores that have never been released or haven’t been released in many, many years that people desperately desire and that they keep on a wish list of top priority items. Whereas there is only one Holy Grail in literature, there may be several or even many for the film score fan. In this day of amazing releases of older scores, some of which have never been available in any form, Holy Grails are starting to drop like flies. Who knows, perhaps one day the term will find itself virtually extinct in the film music world as many scores long thought to be lost forever or previously unavailable by decree of the rights holders, have recently been released to us. Remember, choose your Grails wisely.

 

The Sheriff - If someone talks about The Sheriff needing to take charge of an out of control thread or getting involved in a dispute between warring members, they are talking about Sheriff Joe, an active member who is also an arbitrator of the board anointed to perform that function by the Grand Poobah (see below). The Sheriff has been duly deputized to keep board members in line who stray too far from the rules and regulations of the board. Although he can’t jail you he can read you the riot act. He and the Grand Poobah both have the ability to lock threads that they feel are inappropriate or are no longer of any use on the board. Be nice, don't shoot The Sheriff, he's your friend.

 

The Grand Poobah - A name that originated from The Flintstones television show (itself derived from the name Pooh-Bah from Gilbert and Sullivan’s the Mikado, a character that held many high offices). It was the title given to the head man of The Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes, which is a lodge Fred and Barney belong to. This phrase has become part of the pop lexicon and is used to denote anyone of high authority, one who is the leader of a faction or one who pretty much runs the show. Name at times attributed to FSM founding father, raconteur and bon vivant Lukas Kendall. [Actually this title is ascribed more often to Intrada founder Doug Fake (self titled), but it has been used in reference to Lukas as well.] Also, derivations such as Imperial Grand Poobah and just Poobah have been used from time to time. All versions are rarely used in actuality, but it has been included here just in case. Other names for Lukas have been used as well, but it wouldn't be appropriate to print them here.

 

Those are just some of the ones I thought of and I’m sure there are plenty more. Any regulars have any more to add to the list?

My thanks and apologies to Neil Bulk for stealing his FSM avatar image that depicts the literal "watermelon act"!

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                                                Epilogue

                   The place for quotes, trivia, links, etc.