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Post-library, post-liquor-store, pre-cooking update:
Because the youngster at the liquor store was (thankfully) past puberty and non-gay (he had a moustache), I assumed he was intimate with beer on a regular basis  , and so I asked him for advice.
He spoke reasonably, so I trusted him. He pointed me toward a brand called "Arrogant Bastard", but it came in a bottle the size of my forearm. He also mentioned that the "yeast" flavor I kept asking for was maybe actually "hops".
So when I asked for a smaller size, he showed me a brand that came in a small bottle, called IPA Hop Hunter, made by Sierra Nevada. So that's what is going into this batch. (It cost me $2.49, which was almost a dollar more than that Corona beer, so I hope it was worth it.)
If that doesn't work out, I'll try the Arrogant Bastard brand next time. Just before, I'll invite one of you over to finish off the remainder of the (big) bottle, so I don't have to pour it down the drain.*
*(But fer corn's sake, if that much beer is going to make you tipsy and you're going to stand atop my drainboard, doing your go-go boy impersonation by pulling your underpants up your butt crack, don't make me look at unsightly body hair. Please get waxed first, okay??  )
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Post-cooking update
GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
I poured in the recommendation of The Young Moustache and it was all herbal-y and frou-frou!
(Perhaps I should have known that a pricier beer would not match in taste a beer that was designed to be as cheap as possible.)
WHAT IN HIGH, HOLY HELL HAPPENED TO PLAIN-WRAP, GENERIC BEER???? This is a slow-motion disappointment, people!
I ate the stroganoff but it was decidedly un-distinguished. So next time, I...... well, I'm not sure what I will do.
Maybe the dumb thing I've done is not to taste the beer first. If it doesn't smell all cheap and strong, like something you'd find in some barrel at a farm in 1961, then I'll just have to move on to the next. Which is going to keep costing me money, money, money.
GRRRRRRR!!!!!
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If that doesn't work out, I'll try the Arrogant Bastard brand next time. Just before, I'll invite one of you over to finish off the remainder of the (big) bottle, so I don't have to pour it down the drain.*
Arrogant Bastard can be obtained in 12 ounce cans and bottles. Check Trader Joe's if you have access to it, as they sell most of their beer either by the bottle or by the six pack. In fact, it is acceptable to grab a bottle from a six-pack and just buy an individual bottle. Another beer which should be easier to obtain that is similar to Arrogant Bastard is Fat Tire by New Belgium from Colorado. Your local liquor store and Trader Joes should carry it.
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So I just tried Corona beer. No go. Luckily I only tried it on a small portion, so it didn't spoil the entire batch.
Two people older and probably wiser than me recommend Guinness Stout. I guess I'll find a bottle and try that on a portion.
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Upshot is now every time I do this, I end up with 7/8ths of a beer sitting on my counter, until I pour it down the sink.
Where is Thor when I need him?
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Bechdel test AND beer advice? Clever boy.
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Well, I looked over the Guinness Extra Stout and the freaking box said "Notes of Coffee, Caramel and Toffee." Which made me pass it by.
I want something that tastes cheap, like liquid one finds in a bucket in the back of a garden shed after a long spring thaw. Coffee, Caramel and Toffee does NOT sound like it fills the bill.
Darn it.
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Someone who smokes (who I automatically and stereotypically assume will know beer better than me ) recommended IPA (whatever that stands for). He says when his mom cooks with beer, that's what they use.
I'll look it over!
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Anchor Steam brew, DinB. It's a California "institution" of sorts and a damned fine beer.
https://www.anchorbrewing.com/beer/anchor_steam
My quote from above:
"I want something that tastes cheap, like liquid one finds in a bucket in the back of a garden shed after a long spring thaw."
Yours sounds like something enjoyable, as opposed to something one drinks just for the buzz and not the taste.
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Help needed, folks! Remember, I'm someone who knows nothing about beers
I'm German, therefore I did not even know people who know nothing about beer exist. Heck, I'm working for a marketing agency that's got it's own bar, drinking beer is practically a job requirement.
But the suggestions of Thor should do the trick.
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